Fighter
by pesi
Summary: Sara Sidle has always been a fighter,now she was facing the biggest fight of her life and for once she was grateful she wasn't alone. GSR
1. Chapter 1

Sara stared at her arm as the hot water hit it mesmerizing her. She noticed it over a week ago when she was showering; her hand had slid over a tiny lump about three inches below her shoulder on her left arm. She ignored it, probably a cyst, now she couldn't ignore it the tiny lump no bigger than one centimetre was slowly getting darker in colour. There was no denying it now there it was the possibility staring her straight in the face, she knew wondering round the desert in the sun had damaged her skin the sunburn that prevented her from sleeping for two weeks was evidence of that but this could be of something far worse. Eventually she tore her gaze form it leaving the shower and going through her morning routine with Grissom speaking to her every so often his voice on of concern for that fact she was withdrawing herself. It wasn't until at work she got the courage to ring for a doctors appointment and by luck they had one the same day she'd ducked out of work knowing Grissom would find and ask why but as she sat in the waiting office that was the least of her problems. The doctor examined her and took a biopsy leaving her arm tender and with a dressing the over up. Sara arrived back at work to find Grissom had been looking for her and she was eventually cornered by him an hour later in ballistics.

"Sara," his gentle voice made her want to break down, "what's going on?" there was no side stepping the point with Grissom. She debated lying to him but she couldn't not when she looked into his eyes those same one she's looked into less than a week ago and agreed to marry. Unable to fully form words yet she lifted her sleeve to show Grissom the dressing.

"What happened?" his arm gently grazed over her as her touched the dressing.

"I found a lump it's probably a cyst," Sara blurted out unaware that hot tears were threatening to fall. Grissom didn't know what to say or to be honest do.

"Best to get it checked out through," said Sara now aware of her crumbling resolve she turned from him blinking back the tears.

"Yeah," replied Grissom as Sara brushed by him on her way out the room. Sara made it through the rest of the day without incident until Catherine caught her arm on the way into the locker room and Sara winced.

"Sorry are you ok?" asked Cath wondering why she reacted so violently. That was all it took one act of kindness and the barriers broke two tears fell as she tried to be ok.

"Sit down," Cath sat Sara down by her shoulder pulling her into a one armed hug.

"I found a lump on my arm I had a biopsy today," said Sara so grateful to have that human touch as Catherine comforted her.

"When will you know?" asked Catherine.

"Friday," answered Sara as another hand touched her shoulder and she was pulled the other way into a hug and the familiar scent of Grissom.

The week seemed to pass in a blur only Catherine and Grissom knew anything about why the pair were leaving early or why when they did Catherine checked her phone every few seconds.

Sara sat in the waiting room her hand gripping Grissom's so tightly her fingers were white as their name was called. She entered the office and she knew she saw the look in the doctor's eyes as they sat down and then it was confirmed the hours spent in the desert clinging onto life fighting to keep going.

"The tumour was malignant."

Those hours weren't the end she had to do it again and she didn't know who much fight she had left.

**TBC ??????????**

**Not sure if I'm going to continue this it just sort of came into my head so I wrote it.**


	2. Round one

**A/N thank you to my beta, you are great.**

It had been twenty-four hours since those words had been spoken. Sara was now sat at home in a state of shock, she'd been to see an oncologist who had given them an abundance of leaflets and spoke to them. To be honest Sara couldn't remember a word he said she just sat there nodding at the appropriate times, luckily Grissom had been listening he had sat trying to take in every detail and remember everything that had been said and he was now sat reading the literature they had been given. Catherine was on her way round before shift to see them, Sara wasn't too sure if she liked that or not all she wanted t the minute was for everything to normal again because she wasn't a victim even when Natalie took her she wasn't a victim she go herself out but now she wasn't sure what she was fighting and while half of her wanted to break down the other half was angry, angry at the thing on her arm angry at Natalie, angry at Grissom for looking at her with a hint of pity in his eyes and mostly she was angry at herself for been scared.

Gil Grissom was scared her had buried himself in reading concentrating on the facts, he could cope with facts and right now that was all he could cope with, he didn't know how to act or how he was supposed to respond.

A tapping at the door saved both Grissom and Sara from their thoughts.

"Hey," Sara gave Cath a soft grin as she opened the front the door and the older women pulled her into a hug.

"How are you doing?" Cath whispered into Sara's ear as she hugged her.

"Ok," replied Sara as Cath pulled away.

"Now do you need one too?" asked Cath as Grissom entered the room. Grissom looked slightly bemused as to what he needed after missing Cath hug Sara.

"I'll take that as a no," smiled Cath.

"I take it you know then," said Sara wondering into the kitchen.

"Yes and I'm here if you need anything, either of you," she added looking at Grissom.

"Thank you," smiled Sara., "but at the minute all we need is a lift," she said finding what she was looking for and shoving the bottle of water in her kit that was by the front door.

"Sure," smiled Cath following Sara out the front door.

It wasn't until five minutes into the drive the question came Sara was waiting for.

"Is someone going to tell me what's happening then or are we playing twenty questions?" asked Cath as she drove along.

"At the minute were not sure," replied Grissom from the back.

"I've got scan's and x rays tomorrow and that's when we find out what's happening," said Sara, "we've got to talk to Ecklie today explain and get tomorrow off," said Sara her voice not hiding her displease at having to tell Ecklie anything.

"What about the guys?" asked Catherine. Before that would have been a simple answer for Sara to give, before it wouldn't have been no she would deal with it herself, it was only through a weak moment that Catherine even knew. But now it wasn't just her, it was her and Grissom she was learning to live with the fact that they now had to share things including feelings.

"I don't want them to make a big deal out of it an dif I announce it they'll over react," Sara started to ramble but Grissom interrupted.

"I'll talk to them before shift," he said in what was possible one of the kindest gestures he had done. Despite this Sara wasn't entirely happy Grissom didn't exactly have a way with words and the last thing she wanted was pity and people treating her like she was some sort of breakable object like after Natalie had taken her.

"We'll talk to them you wont even know they know," said Cath to which Sara nodded gratefully. The rest of the ride was pent talking about other things, which Sara was grateful for. Once at the lab she made herself scarce while Cath and Grissom went to tell the others. Unfortunately this gave Sara time alone to think like Grissom she'd done the reading she ken wit could range from just a minor problem if the growth could be removed in one go and was small to a something she didn't' want to consider if it was a large growth.

"Hey your early," smiled Nick as Grissom and Catherine entered the break room.

Warrick was about to make a comment but saw the serious look on the pairs faces.

"We need to talk before shift," started Grissom.

"If this is about that prank we played on Hodges," started Nick.

"No it's about Sara she…." Grissom trailed off so Cath continued for him.

"She has skin cancer." For some reason when Cath said the words out loud they sounded worse. Everyone in the room seemed to freeze.

"She doesn't want a big deal made out of it,"

"Big deal," said Greg not entirely sure where he was going.

"She doesn't want fussing over," warned Cath.

"Act normal," said Nick trying to wipe the shocked look off his face, "does she know you told us?"

"Yes she asked us to," said Catherine speaking for Grissom who had was trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

"How bad is it?" asked Greg.

"She's going for tests tomorrow then well know," answered Grissom.

"Whatever she wants," said Warrick breaking the silence that had fallen, "we're here for both of you," he added putting a hand on Grissom's shoulder.

"Thank you," said Grissom barely above a whisper. Once Grissom left the three men immediately questioned Cath but she knew little more than they did. None of them knew how to react although they doubted there was a handbook for this sort of thing all they knew was they had to support her and they knew Sara, don't fuss so that was what they were going to do.

When Sara walked into the break room she knew Grissom and Catherine had told everyone. As she walked in Warrick was leaving with a slip in his hand.

"Hey girl," smiled Warrick with a bit too much enthusiasm, "got a match to the finger print on my rape case," he said continuing to walk away trying that tiny bit too much to act normal.

"Hey Sara we got a homicide a strip joint," aid Nick standing as she entered.

"Right," said Sara taken slightly back by the fact everyone was acting so normal.

"You ok?" asked Nick referring to her slightly gone outlook, "I didn't' mean… I know…can we just pretend I didn't' stick my foot in it," said Nick thinking what he said had been so stupid of course she wasn't ok.

"Yeah I'm good," smiled Sara, "so what you got Greg," she asked the newest CSI who was sat staring at a file.

"Paperwork," moaned Greg, "do you remember this case?" he asked.

"I'll meet you at the car," said Nick leaving Sara to look over the case file with Greg. After a few minutes of talking about the case Sara was about to leave when Greg looked at her seriously.

"I'm sorry Sara."

"So am I," replied Sara with a lopsided smile which Greg gave a half hearted smile back to and that was it, that was how the day went tiny reference to her condition the guys checking in on her once to often with Cath's coincidental meeting bordering on stalking, the thought of them all trying to act normal on whatever results she got even brought a smile to her face because for once she was glad she wasn't alone.

"Hey sorry I got caught up in ballistics," said Grissom who had now joined Sara outside Ecklie's office, "is he in there?"

"Yeah probably wondering why I've been hovering outside his door for the past twenty minutes," smiled Sara.

"Are the pair of you going to loiter in my doorway all day or are you going to come in?" came Ecklie's voice.

"Conrad," said Grissom stepping followed by Sara who shut the door.

"What have you done?" asked Ecklie putting down the piece of paper he was reading.

"Done?" asked Sara immediately taking the attack.

"I assumed…never mind," said Ecklie taking in the rather serious appearance of his two employees.

"We need to talk to you about a personal matter," started Grissom as Sara noticed Ecklie eyes dropped down to her stomach.

"I'm not pregnant," said Sara all in one breath putting Grissom of his stride, "I have skin cancer." The words hung in the air like a thick mist.

"What do you need?" said Ecklie after a few seconds contemplating how to handle the situation and not infuriate Sara.

"I've got to have some tests tomorrow we'd like the time off encase the appointment over runs," explained Sara.

"Of course," replied Ecklie before a short silence, "just say what you need." Finished Ecklie as they stood to leave giving Sara a look that told he was avoiding the point of her work after the tests. Sara nodded at Ecklie and left with Grissom to finish her shift.

Sara walked into the break room to find Nick, Catherine, Warrick and Greg as sat down drinking and chatting, while the noise level fell when she walked in it didn't go completely silent.

"You off now?" asked Nick looking up at Sara.

"Yeah I'll see you on Wednesday," replied Sara picking up the drink she had come in for.

"Let us know how it goes," said Warrick.

"Yeah," replied Sara turning to leave but she stopped turning back round.

"Guys," said Sara getting all their attention, "thanks."

Nick nodded in response, as did Warrick while Greg gave a slight grin.

"Good luck," said Greg as Catherine shot out her chair.

"I'm sorry but I have to," she said throwing her arms round Sara and hugging her before letting go and moving encase Sara decided to retaliate.

"Ok," said Sara with a half smile, "I'll ring tomorrow," she said as she left. Sara wondered down into the locker room quite proud at how she was handling herself and also surprised Cath's hug didn't make her want to run away in fact she found it quite comforting. Sara was snapped from her thoughts as a soft hand touched her entwining itself in her fingers.

"Are you ready?" came Grissom's soft voice. Sara nodded in response and they left the lab hand in hand.

TBC …………… 

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think, they are greatly appreciated.**


	3. Visit number one

Grissom sat flicking through the leaflet they had been given on the types of scans Sara might need while they waited at the ho

**A/N thanks you for all the reviews hopefully the wait will be worth it.**

Grissom sat flicking through the leaflet they had been given on the types of scans Sara might need while they waited at the hospital for her to be taken for a Positron Emission Tomography: a PET scan, which, Sara had to admit was not one she was familiar with. Grissom by now was probably an expert because for him knowledge and understanding was crucial; if he didn't know what was happening, he couldn't help.

"If you'd like to go and change into a gown. No jewellery, nothing metal can be worn," said a nurse in lilac scrubs pointing to behind a curtain. Sara stood, then looked at Grissom, who looked unclear on what she wanted.

"Come with me," said Sara barely above a whisper.

Sara sat on the edge of the gurney as she slipped her t-shirt off, then the horrible white hospital gown on. Sliding her jeans off, Grissom picked up her clothes and neatly folded them for her before tying the green strings on the back of Sara's gown. It felt alien, the material was scratchy and hung off her slim frame. Grissom's finger grazed her skin as he did the last bow. Sara couldn't meet his eyes as she slid her engagement ring off and gave it to him; no jewellery was allowed. Once she had taken her ring off she stood and stepped from behind the curtain and followed the nurse down the corridor to the scanner. Her feet made a soft slapping noise as her bare skin touched the cool flooring. Grissom was in step behind her his arm gently touching above her elbow guiding her closer.

"If you'll just wait there," the nurse pointed at a chair that Grissom was to sit in. He looked at Sara before sitting down finding no words of comfort in his vocabulary. Sara was led into the large room and instructed to sit on the shelf sticking out the scanner. The PET scanner looked similar to a MRI scanner she'd been in as a child when she fell climbing a tree to get away from her parents arguing. Sara wasn't claustrophobic but as she laid on the bed and it began to move back she found herself scared as everything closed in around her, because in that tiny space, with the nurse talking to her through speakers, there was only Sara, and she finally had to admit that she was sick and needed help.

The radiographer and doctor had seen the scans and Sara was now waiting for a CAT scan in what appeared to be a queing sytem. She and Grissom sat in the middle of five rows of chairs outside where the scans took place. Most of the other chairs were taken . Sara tugged at her gown self consiously even though she had Grissom's jacket on over it she was shivering: it was cold; that's what she kept telling herself was makign her hands shake. Not what both she and Grissom feared. Neither one had asked why Sara was having a second scan, though she could see the question on Grissom's mind and watched him bite it back.

"Do you think this means it's worse?" asked Sara never one for being anything but forthright.

"I think it could mean a lot of things: they couldn't get a clear view, they want a comparision..." he paused meeting her gaze."Or it's worse," he finished knowing he couldn't lie to her because she already knew it, no amount of telling her everything would be fine would make it better, no matter how much he wished it could..

"Sara Sidle," the nusre stood hanging off the doorframe Sara's chart in hand.

"Sara," Grissom spoke in a tone Sara rarely heard. To anyone else Grissom might have sounded serious all the time, but she knew the subtle changes in his tone. "I'm proud of you," he said looking her striaght in the eyes with an intenisty that made her want to break down in tears in the middle of the waiting room. Instead she slipped Grissom's coat off, dropping it back onto his lap, and turned away from him but not before untering a single, whispered word into his ear.

"Thank you." Sara turned and followed the nurse in feeling over exposed in her hospital gown. The CAT scan looked a lot like the earlier one only this hole was a tiny bit smaller. Sara concentrated on her breathing as she laid down and then slowly disappeared into the white hole, all the time begging her mind not to wander, to consider the worst: all she had to do right now was keep breathing.

"Okay, you can sit up," the nurses voice startled Sara from her throughts, she had managed to stare at the same patch of skin on her right hand the entire scan. Slowly she stood and followed the nurse through to a room where she was finally allowed to put her own clothes back on, making her finally feel human again. Now all she had to do was wait for the consultation.

Grissom met Sara in the corridor and walked back through the halls with her. He led her as if she was in a dream and had no idea where she was going, because once again she was concentrating on breathing. As they sat down outside the office, she just had to keep breathing.

"Hi, if you'd like to come in Miss Sidle." The brunette doctor who flung the door open was far to cheery for Sara's liking, in her experience it meant they were compensating for something. Sara and Grissom took up the seat's opposite the desk which was adorned with various files.

"Right, I'm Dr Pycott," smiled the women,. "We met at the clinic, but most people tend to block that out."

Sara didn't make eye contat with Dr Pycott as she continued to speak. Instead she busied herself wringing her fngers over her hands.

"I prefer to be less formal, so Sue is fine. I've had a look at your scans and what you have is a stage three melanoma." Sara visably stiffened as Sue continued. "What that means is that the tumor is more than 2 mm. thick. Yours isn't ulcerated, which gives a higher risk to it spreading," she paused allowing both Grissom and Sara to take this in. Grissom glanced over to Sara whose hand was resting on her knees. When he places his own hand on hers she immediately responded placing her other hand on top of his.

"However, from the CAT scan, we found that it has spread to your limph nodes in your armpit."

'What does that mean?" asked Sara, her voice unusually shaky.

"Well, there are no signs of tumors else where, which is obviously good, so the plan is to remove the tumor and the limph nodes via surgery." Sue was obviously used to giving this sort of news she had the expresion of a seasoned officer telling a relative bad news.

"Will I need chemo?" asked Sara, her grip on Grissom's hand tightening.

"To decrease the chance of reoccurance a short course of chemotherapy will follow. Now, obviously that's a lot to take in, so I have an information package for you, and a follow up appointment tomorrow afternoon where we can talk once you've absorbed everything."

"What time frame are we in for the surgery?" asked Grissom tacking the brown paper envolope Sue was holding out.

'The end of this week." This shocked Sara, but then again, it wasn't something they could put off for months but the end of the week made it sound so urgent, then again, she guessed it was because there was something inside her body that, left alone, would gradually kill her.

Grissom had led Sara from the office and they were now sitting in silence in the front seats of his car. Though Sara was trying not to let Grissom see by looking straight ahead he could see the red splotches on her face and the wetness to her checks as tears flowed down her face. If Sara had turned to him she would have seen the two tears that traced a path down Grissom's face before he regained his composure, because he was going to have to be the emotionally strong one, which for once, meant he couldn't deny his own feelings.

"Would you like me to phone?" asked Grissom. Sara nodded glancing over at him before placing her hands on his and allowing their fingers to unite as Grissom dialed Catherine.

Catherine nearly flattened Hodges as she dived for her ringing phone. Both Hodges and Nick watched Catherine's face fall as the conversation advanced. Warrick and Greg had seen her pick up the phone and came to see if there was any news on Sara. The four men watched as Catherines's hand came to her mouth and tears began to fall as she hung up. Warrick immediatley stepped forward pulling her into a hug.

"It's spread to her lymph nodes, they're going to remove them and the tumor, then she's got to have chemo," sobbed Catherine unable and unwilling to hide her emotions. Through she may not say it that often Sara was a very good friend of hers, one of the few female friends she had. The five of them stood in the middle of the trace lab each dealing with the news in their own way.

Warrick comforted Catherine, Greg focussed on holding back his tears, Nick was over sand papering a serial number to get his frustration out and Hodges had sat down at the computer and began to look up the details Catherine had given him, because the one thing he had learned from Grissom was to help one had to have the right information.

TBC…………………..


	4. The build up

Sara sat at the kitchen table nervously chewing on a biscuit, while a brown manila envelope stared back at her

Sara sat at the kitchen table nervously chewing on a biscuit, while a brown manila envelope stared back at her. It was the package they had been given containing all the information about the operation Sara was going to have. The envelope had been on the corner of the counter taunting them for hours, waiting for them to open it and face the reality of the situation. Sara was waiting for Grissom to finish in the bathroom before she dared touch break the seal for fear she might not be able to operate her hands.

They were going to meet the rest of the night shift team later that day at Catherine's to keep them all updated, which, sadly, meant at some point today Sara was going to have to face up to what was happening. And, although she would never show it, she was scared. Suddenly Sara found herself tearing at the envelope unable to wait. She tipped it and several pieces of paper and booklets fell onto the table with a foreboding thud.

Sara was surprised to find she was breathing heavily and unable to understand what frightened her so; all they were, were bits of paper it didn't matter if they were there or not the cancer still was.

"Did I take too long?" asked Grissom, who, if truth-be-told, had taken longer than usual to compose himself. He never let his emotion affect him, and he wasn't about to start now.

Sara needed him to carry on because he knew the moment he cracked so would she.

"Where shall we begin?" Grissom went straight in, after all this was information; something he could deal with: cold hard facts that comforted him.

"This ones about the actual surgery. What they're going to do. Do you want to see it?" he asked knowing not everyone wanted a detailed description of what was going to happen. "Ignorance is bliss" could come in handy occasionally.

"Doubt knowing is going to make it worse..." replied Sara sounding deadpan.

"Well, I've got tumor surgery and lymphadenectomy," said Grissom attempting to get a smile from Sara.

"You sound like you're dealing," said Sara as the corner of her mouth twitched. "Grissom will you promise something," she added suddenly, her brown eyes fixed on his blue.

"That depends," replied Grissom bracing himself for what Sara was going to say.

"Promise me you won't let me waste away. I don't want to be the person people look at and say

'Oh, she's brave because all that's left is a shriveled shell'," she paused forcing back tears. "Don't let it get that far. Where it isn't me anymore but a ghost."

"Sara I…" he trailed off not knowing what to say.

"I can't be that person Grissom. I can't stand the way people at work look at me now, like they pity me. I know they don't mean it but I had that when I went from foster home to foster home."

"Sara I promise," said Grissom reaching out and taking her hand that lay on the table his own, "I couldn't live while you were like that. But you've got to let people help. You can't do this alone."

"I know, I just find it hard."

"Me too," smiled Grissom turning back to the leaflet. "So let's start with tumors," he said flicking it open. "Your doctor will remove the cancer and some of the normal skin surrounding it. The amount of normal skin will vary depending on the type of cancer and how deep it is in your skin. It can be one to two centimeters around where the cancer is."

"So basically they're digging out part of my arm," said Sara.

"That's a crude way of putting it," sighed Grissom turning to the page on aesthetics. After thirty minutes of reading they had figured out she was going to feel terrible, which they both already knew.

"How are you feeling?" asked Sara as she and Grissom pulled up in front of Catherine's already packed driveway.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" replied Grissom.

"You're going through this as well as me. Just without the actual cutting," Sara met his eyes.

"I'm okay," Grissom nodded as they got out the car. "You ready for this?" he asked, noting that, from the cars, everyone but Sofia, who was in court, were waiting in Catherine's living room.

"Ready," replied Sara linking hands with him for a second before striding up to the door and letting herself in brushing away from Grissom's fingers, letting him know she wanted to take the lead on this.

"Hi, let yourself in," said Catherine sarcastically as Sara walked into the room where everyone was gathered looking a bit too formal for her liking. Her friends were all seated around the coffee table, drinking coffee and snacking on a plate of goodies in the middle of the table.

The next hour was spent with Sara talking through what was going to happen and answering a few questions. Then it was time for everyone to go to work, except Sara who had the night off.

Grissom got a ride from Catherine and Sara took the car home, tired from going over everything several times.

When Catherine and Grissom arrived at the lab they found Hodges waiting for them with a large file.

"I hope that's not the backlog from days," quipped Catherine as they walked into the break room.

"No," replied Hodges. "It's research, for Sara," he explained handing the file to Grissom. "It's got things that will help with pain, getting mobile again, sickness and a few things Doc Robbins gave me about alleviating the side effects of chemo," with that Hodges turned to exit leaving a stunned Catherine.

"David," Grissom stopped him, "Thank you. I'm sure Sara will appreciate this," said Grissom as Hodges gave a little smile and left. Grissom was becoming fascinated by peoples reactions to the news Sara had cancer: Hodges had surprised him with the amount of compassion and practicality he had shown, Catherine, as always, was impossible to read, but as far as Grissom was concerned that was because she was a women and he found them almost impossible to understand at the best of times. Greg was trying to be strong, as was Nick, but he could see their composure waver as Sara talked them through the operation. Warrick and Brass were, as ever, rocks; seeming to take it all in the stride, even if that was only on the surface.

"Gil, can I have a word before the others catch up?" said Catherine shutting the door. Grissom didn't respond, but waited. "Sara asked me to be there when she has the operation. I don't know if she's talked to you about it or not," Now Grissom interrupted Catherine.

"She has," replied Grissom, "I think she wanted someone other than me to talk to. I know she needs you as a friend more than she lets on." Grissom finished as he saw the others arriving.

"I'm not sure how much use I'll be," sighed Catherine.

"Me neither," replied Grissom

**TBC…………………………….. thank you so much for the review I really enjoy reading them.**


	5. The operation

Sara had packed her bag three times, she'd taken everything out checked it, re folded it straightened it sorted everything into compartments yet still she wasn't happy with it. She had packed her bag for her hospital stay because today was the big operation. Catherine was coming over at ten o'clock to pick her and Grissom up and take them to the hospital where Cath had agreed to stay with Grissom, apparently Sara's illness had tugged at the one heart string Ecklie had and he had relented and given Cath and Grissom the shift off, he didn't have much choice with Sara. Sara wasn't scared more nervous, the operation wasn't the thing she was dreading most because that would only debilitate her for a few days but the chemo had an unknown time span.

"Catherine's here," called Grissom from where he had been pacing in front of the window since four am that morning but if Sara asked he just happened to be in there when she got up.

"Damn," hissed Sara looking down at her watch she'd gotten so intent on checking she had everything for the forth time and it was still laid out across the bed, in normal Sara packing fashion she shoved everything in, if she' left it the first time it would have been fine. The last thing to go in was the silk short and top pyjamas that the team, through Sara strongly suspect Cath was the one doing the buying had brought her. Apparently she was going to look decent while in the hospital and according to Hodges information, been able to change out the hospital gown at first chance made you feel more human.

"You want me to carry anything?" asked Grissom still surprised by the fact Sara only had one bag, from years of Catherine been one of the only female influence in his life he come to believe women packed their entire wardrobe and then some for a overnight stay.

"No I'm ok, may as well use the arm while I still can," said Sara attempting a joke that fell rather flat. Instead she picked up the flight bag and draped it over her shoulder slightly surprised by the weight, she followed Grissom into the front room where Cath was stood swinging her car keys round her finger.

"Is that all your taking?" asked Cath.

"Yeah," replied Sara, "I'm only going to be there for a few days."

"I pack twice that for one night," retorted Cath as the three steeped out to the front of the house Grissom smirked at Cath's comment.The drive to the hospital was filled with meaningless conversation, anything to stop the silences that occasionally fell over the car.

"Right I'm assuming this place had a café, I need my dose of caffeine," announced Cath as they walked in, "you go get settled in and I'll bring you a coffee," said Cath looking as Grissom.

"Thank you," replied Grissom as Sara gave a grateful nod, having both of them hovering around while she waited was a daunting prospect,

"hey Cath," called Sara as Catherine began to walk away, "stay away from the doctors," Sara called smiling for the first time that day.

"Oh I'm going to find me a well paid one to hook me up to an caffeine IV," shouted Cath getting a few disapproving look from people around.

"Does she even know what ward I'm going too?" asked Sara not sure if she could remember what it said on the letter.

"She's an investigator I'm sure it wont take her long to figure it out," replied Grissom indicating that they needed to go to the elevator.

"So what ward am I on?" asked Sara with a half smile as they got into the crowded space."Ward G," replied Grissom without looking as he had memorised everything on that letter.

Ward G was seven floors up on arriving they came to the nurses station where a women with long ginger hair was frantically searching for something.

"Hi, one minute," she said catching Grissom and Sara out of the corner of her eye, "lost my lunch," she added picking up a sandwich and shoving it in a draw, "put things down for a second in this place and they go." she smiled."Right from the case you're an admission not visiting,"

"Sara Sidle," said Sara handing her the letter.

"Right room four it's this way, I'm Abigail your named nurse," she smiled leading Sara down the corridor to a side room which Sara suspected had something to do with Brass flashing his badge around a few days ago."Right you get settled in and I'll be back soon to do your pre med and basic information," she smiled, "don't worry you don't have to put the gown on yet," she added seeing Sara's look of disgust at the gown laid on the bed in front of her.

"Well it's not going to take much to settle in," said Sara looking around. It was a small room with the usual, a bed, bedside cabinet and two chairs situated alongside the bed decorated in a slightly all to cheerer green.

"There's surprisingly good coffee in this place," announced Cath appearing in the doorway, "nice room," she added walking over to the window and looking out onto the car park, "good for people watching you'll be fine." She finished handing one of the cups of coffee in her hands to Grissom.

"By the time I go down your going to high on caffeine," commented Sara looking at the clock outside, just two hours before she was scheduled to be operated on.

"That is the plan," smiled Cath as Abigail walked back in.

"Hi," she said giving Cath a quick nod,

"right Sara if you want to come with me we'll go get some basic information then we'll give you some pre meds," Abigail said leading Sara off down the corridor and Grissom and Catherine alone in the room.

"She'll be fine," said Cath before Grissom had barely brawn breath.

"I know," he replied, "but for once that isn't going to stop me worrying."Twenty minutes and several stories about Lindsey later Sara Abigail poked her head back into the room grabbing the gown from the bed.

A few minutes after that a very grumpy looking Sara came back in wearing the less than flattering gown. Cath snorted on her coffee as Sara sat down on the bed.

"Yes I know," Sara said giving a small pout as she did.

"So everything ok?" asked Catherine from where she was perched on the window seal watching a man try for the fifth time to fit his car into a space that was clearly too small."Well it was like having a physical at school," replied Sara, "only without he laughing class behind me."

"Have you had your pre meds yet?" asked Grissom."No she's brining them down soon," replied Sara as an uneasy silence fell over the room."Someone say something then," said Sara after a few seconds.

"I've got your pre meds," said Abigail coming in the door with a glass of water and two tablets.

"Thanks," said Sara taking them."Ok I'll be back in half an hour by then you should be pretty sleepy.

"Ok," said Sara pulling her jacket around her as the air conditioning was making her arms cool.The next fifteen minutes were spent talking about work, the only safe subject but slowly Sara drifted away from the conversation as the medication took effect she found herself feeling like she had just worked a triple.

"You still with us?" Cath asked Sara noticing her head lull to the side.

"Sure," replied Sara blinking several times then jumping a bit as Abigail and another nurse arrived in the room with a wheelchair.

"Right its time to go," smiled Abigail, "you can come down if you like," she added turning to Grissom.

"No," replied Sara sharper than she meant to, "wait here," she said in a softer tone.

"Ok we'll give you a few seconds," said the other nurse and the two women stepped outside.

"Gil I don't need my hand holding, just make sure you're the first face I see when I wake up," said Sara pulling him into a hug and kissing him.

"I love you," Sara whispered into his ear as she pulled back.

"Ok see you soon Sidle," said Cath pulling Sara sideways into an embrace and nearly pulling her from the bed.

"You done?" asked Abigail coming back in as Sara tried to stand finding herself slightly off balance but he nurses were ready and guided her to the wheelchair which she wasn't exactly thrilled about but couldn't' argue with.

"I love you too," blurted Grissom so quick it almost came out as one word.

"Bye," grinned Sara as she was wheeled off her jacket still wrapped around her.About ten minutes later the second nurse retuned handing Grissom Sara's jacket.

"There's a café two floors up," she said as he handed it over, "don't' let your mind wonder," she added giving a small smile before leaving."Come on then I need more caffeine," said Catherine who was beginning to claw at the walls and the surgery could take up to three hours. Grissom didn't move.

"They're not going to finish any time soon well get you a magazine from down stairs to occupy yourself," added Cath practically pushing Grissom form his chair.

Catherine had surprised herself by been able to keep Grissom in the café for thirty-two minutes, however they were now descending the stairs back towards the ward. Cath couldn't imagine what was going through Grissom's head right now because the images that were going through her scared her enough. Hodges had done the research on the operation Sara was going to have and shown Cath the pictures of people recovering. They had somewhat skimmed the truth when the showed Grissom leaving out the weeks it takes to get mobile and the pain Sara was likely going to be in. Cath suspected that Grissom had done his own research into the subject though.

Half an hour and two cups of coffee later Cath couldn't take the silence any longer, she had long stopped watching what was going on outside and just glazed over. Grissom was flicking through the magazine's Sara had brought, well forensic journals.

"So you ever considered getting married?" Cath blurted out, she wasn't quite sure where it came from she just needed some noise.

"Pardon," said Grissom equally confused."I didn't mean just to Sara, just ever in general did you ever see yourself married?""I suppose when I was younger I just assumed I'd get married than as I got older it didn't seem as important," said Grissom actually giving it some consideration which surprised Cath but then again he did have his defences down at the minute.

"And now," continued Cath.

"Now I love Sara and she loves me, we never seen it as been that important in proving it to the state."

"It isn't just…." Cath trailed off deciding to question further, "what about children?"

"What about them?" asked Grissom thinking Cath was still on about marriage.

"Have you ever wanted them?" Cath pushed further trying to gauge just how far she could go."I guess when I was younger I just thought I would but as I got older I never felt it was something I needed."

"And now?" asked Cath.

"Now life's passed me by," replied Grissom with a hint of sadness on his face.

"It's not too late," said Cath trying to meet his eyes.

"If I was to become a father I would embrace it and if not it wont be the biggest regret of my life," sighed Grissom."What's your biggest regret?""Holding back, I thought I was protecting myself and her, al I did was hurt us both," answered Grissom clearly refereeing to Sara.

"Hi," Abigail nearly caused Cath to jump through the ceiling, the surprise mixed with the copious amount of caffeine had made her shot three feet across the room when the nurse entered, "just to let you know there bringing Sara back up now, everything went well but she still very dosed up," Abigail added as two porters appearing wheel Sara's bed.

Grissom had to admit he was slightly shocked by the sight of Sara, he couldn't see where they had operated as a blanked covered most of her body but he could see the banged going the entire was over her left shoulder and he presumed someway down her arm. Her right arm lay over the blanket an IV going into her hand, Bp cut at the top of her arm and pulse ox on the end of her slender middle finger. Her face was pale her eyes slightly open but looking like they willed her to let them close. An oxygen mask over her mouth, her hair splayed out across the pillow behind her.

"Hey there," said Grissom gently putting his hand over her feeling the IV piercing her delicate skin, "everything went fine," he didn't' know what to say now so he didn't' say anything he just did what his heart told him he pulled her hand into his own and held it as if it was the most precious thing in the world. He felt Sara's fingers trace his own before her eyes closed and she succumbed to sleep. Then Grissom felt fingers pull at his other hand as Cath pulled it into her and just sat in silence supporting him.

Half an hour later Sara woke up again slightly more with it this time and in more pain as Abigail was checking her dressing.

"Hey it's ok nearly done," reassured Abigail as Grissom and Cath got a look at the wound for the first time. Sara's was bandaged from the top of her collar bone to about an inch above her elbow on the left hand side some bruising already evidence below the dressing, "ok darling all one," smiled Abigail as Sara made a faint moaning noise as she place the blanket over her arm. One Abigail had left Sara tilted her head towards Grissom her oxygen mask now replaced with a tube allowing Grissom to see her pale lips.

"You're doing brilliant," smiled Cath"Hurts like hell," muttered Sara her face showing the pain that almost crippled Grissom knowing there was nothing he could do.

"How you feeling? They said you didn't react well to the aesthetic," said Cath having talked with the nurse after been given some basin encase she got sick again, apparently she had become quite ill after been brought out he anaesthesia.

"Hungover," replied Sara her eyes not fully focusing, "is it meant to hurt this much," she asked her eyes silently pleaded with Grissom.

"They had to got quite deep honey," said Grissom rubbing her arm."Try and get some sleep you'll fell better," smiled Cath not wanting Sara to feel she had to stay awake for them."Ok," muttered Sara exhaustion already taking over her beaten body."I'll go call the others," said Cath leaving Grissom alone for the first time and he was finally able to let the few tears he had been holding back fall.

**TBC……………………….ok for some reason this resfused to upload with double spacing just as one giant lump so i've just spent half an hour going through and seperating it, hope it was worth it. let me know thanks :)**


	6. Getting out

Sara Sidle was in pain and ready to admit it Sara Sidle was in pain and ready to admit it. Twenty-four hours after her operation she had developed a fluid build up where they had removed her lymph nodes and she was now waiting to have the fluid drained. Her arms was supported by a pale blue sling that took the weight of the extensive bandaging, however, she had discovered that any movement of her body sent pain shooting through her arm. The pain seemed comparable to when she had walked the desert with her arm broken in two places but at the moment she had the luxury of painkillers.

Still not fully awake from the anaesthetic and painkillers that were pumped into her Sara had a vague idea that Catherine had been there holding her hand but no idea that she had gone home to sleep before her shift at work. Sara was aware that Grissom was occupying the seat next to her bed every so often his hand would reach over and gently stroke over where the IV line pierced the skin on the back of her hand. Her left arm felt separate from her body like a weight had been dangled off her shoulder causing pain to emanate from that area every so often.

"Right, we're back," smiled Abigail coming into the room with another nurse called Keylie who had been in recovery when Sara came out of surgery. "Basically what were going to do is insert a tube into the fluid and drain it, then the tube will stay in for about fourteen hours after to make sure we've got it all," explained Abigail speaking slowly and directly at Sara who was nodding, however, despite hearing the words they had no meaning to her. She understood the words but couldn't take in what was going on around her.

"I'm afraid this will sting a bit," apologised Keylie as Grissom went to move so they could work. "No you stay," smiled Keylie as she gently removed Sara's sling while Abigail took the weight of Sara's arm. This was the first time Grissom had a good look at her arm. The bandage went from the top of Sara's shoulder down to about an inch above her elbow and around her chest at the top where the shoulder was been supported. Sara winced, as the bandage was slowly unwound. While part of Grissom wanted to look away his eyes and the scientist in him were interested in what they were doing. So while gripping Sara's right hand in his own he glanced over while absent minded telling Sara about the life cycle of a millipede to distract her. Her arm was a mess of swelling and bruising that covered her entire shoulder. He could just make out where stitches and 'strerri strips' where around her armpit. As her arm was lifted Sara whimpered slightly causing a gut reaction from Grissom as he placed a hand on her check stroking it gently as tears began to cascade down her cheeks as the drain was inserted.

Time suddenly seemed to blur to Sara as the pain took over sending her into waves of consciousness then slowly began to subside by the time she became aware of her surroundings again her arm was back in a sling and Grissom was perched on her bedside a cup of coffee in his hand and Greg Sanders occupying the chair flicking through a magazine.

"Well it's about time," said Greg catching Sara staring at him. "As much as I enjoy hearing you mumble about millipedes I prefer some conversation," grinned the younger C.S.I.

"Are you okay?" asked Grissom putting his drink down.

"Yeah," replied Sara becoming fully aware for the first time the pain now a dull ache thanks to the drip and drain that now hung over the side of her bed. "What…day is it?" asked Sara realising she had no idea.

"Sunday, p.m," answered Grissom. "They sedated you after they put the drain in, the doctor says it should be able to come out later now they've drained all the fluid," smiled Grissom.

"Got to say you're looking better than Catherine described," smiled Greg.

"How did Catherine describe me?" asked Sara her voice crackly from lack of use. "Pale, moody, actually like you've just pulled a triple," grinned Greg as Grissom poured Sara a glass of water.

"Thanks," said Sara her throat finally quenched. "So have I missed much?" she asked immediately wanting to turn the conversation away from herself.

"Not really," replied Greg. "Oh wait, Nick ran away from a rabbit," he added with a huge grin.

"Any reason why?" asked Sara managing a weak smile at the thought. "According to Nick it was dark and he saw a large shadow coming towards him. According to Brass it was light out and Nick drew his gun when the pet rabbit ran into the room," smiled Greg. "They all send their love," he added as Sara rolled her eyes at him. "I better get going. I've got to change before shift," smiled Greg. "Hope you get the drain out soon," he added leaning over to hug her but just ended up patting her hand as everywhere else seemed to have something attached to it.

Monday morning and Sara was minus two attachments, her drain had been moved and she no longer required the pulse ox on her finger. Now all she had was the IV going into her right arm and the dead weight that was her left. She was currently awaiting her drip to finish before the IV line was removed and her going home could be discussed. A woman from physio called Helen was coming up to arrange an appointment and bring some sheets on exercises Sara needed to do. So far the only movement Sara had managed was her fingers and an occasional flex of the wrist, which it turned out, pulled the skin around her shoulder causing discomfort.

"Hello, again," smiled Louise, Sara's latest nurse, bringing in a tray of dressings and bandages. "Now that the drains out I'm going to replace that with a pressure bandage which will feel uncomfortable but should stop any more fluid build up and help support your arm while you get usage back," she said manoeuvring a pillow under Sara's arm. "Ready?" she asked taking the weight of Sara's arm, as the sling was unhooked and the weight fell onto the pillow pulling slightly at her shoulder. This was the first time Sara was able to examine her wounds in fully conscious state. As the bandages were slowly unwound she was able to see the bruises and swelling around the stitches where her tumour was removed. Louise placed dressings over the stitches on her arm and around where her lymph nodes were removed. Then a new bandages was wound tightly around her arm making it pulsate at the pressure been placed on her already painful arm. Sara however showed no signs of this on her exterior instead she just starred at the wall in front of her as the bandages were completed spanning from her shoulder to her elbow.

"Sara Sidle?" asked a lady appearing in the doorway.

"Yeah," replied Sara as Louise smiled at her.

"Just in time," grinned Louise as the brunette entered the room her arms laden down with files and clip boards. "This is Caroline she's going to be your physiotherapist so I'll let her carry on from here. I've just put the pressure dressing on," she finished directing the last bit at Caroline before giving Sara a quick wave.

"Well, might as well start as we mean to go on," said Caroline placing the files down on Sara's bedside table, "You need to start using your arm again to make sure the muscles don't waste and that the skin doesn't tighten. So we can start with getting the sling back on something you'll need to learn to do before I give you permission for you to leave," she said picking the sling up from the side. "Also call me Carol," she added.

"It's easier if you lay the sling next to your arm so you just have to lift it a bit," as she said this Sara lifted her arm about three millimetres from the bed that took an amount of effort Sara would consider inappropriate for such a simple task. Carol then quickly slide the sling under her arm. "Then you can lift your arm using the sling," she indicated the strap to Sara which the lifted and pulled over her head so her arm was back in its sling position. "That seems fine. Your first appointment for physio is in two days. Here's an appointment card, and here are some exercise sheets that you need to be doing starting now. Basically it's just wrist movement in beginning to straighten your arm. I'm sure you realised despite those parts weren't operated on, moving them still affects the parts you did." Sara nodded. "Right, well, I'll leave these with you," she said holding the sheets out and Grissom accepted them.

"More good news" smiled Louise coming in, "Doctor says you're good to go. So we'll just get your prescription sorted and then we'll turf you."

"Best news I've heard," smiled Sara. "Thank you," she added as Louise nodded.

"I better start packing," said Grissom who had been sat back taking it all in.

TBC.


	7. Recovery Part 1

Sara was finally home, she was currently sat on the sofa nursing a coffee after spending the first night in what seemed like forever in her own bed with Grissom laid next to her. It hadn't been plain sailing though in the middle of the night Grissom had, had to fashion a wall out of pillows after he accidentally rolled onto her catching her arm. So far today Sara had managed to wash with Grissom help possibly the most unromantic thing they would ever do and walk, which Sara had discovered, pulled at her entire arm. However now that the swelling had gone down it was a lot better and her wrist movement were improving. Sara was however very grateful of he strong painkillers she had been given after been taken off the IV, they kept her pain at a level where she could easily mask it.

"Are you ok?" shouted Grissom from where he was tending to one of his creatures in the spare room.

"For the last time yes," replied Sara becoming tired of his constant asking. With that the doorbell went and before Sara had time to even stand Catherine had let herself fin closely followed by Warrick.

"We've come to see the patient," said Cath holding out a pile of forensic magazine in front of her and waving them.

"She wanted to bring glossy but I talked her out of it," said Warrick mildly proud as Grissom appeared in the room taking the magazines from Cath and putting them in the kitchen.

"So how are you?" asked Warrick.

"If one more person asks me that I'll swing for them," sighed Sara was Warrick and Cath sat down stifling laughs as Sara swung her good arm fro demonstration.

"I'm ok, the tablets work well. Mostly I'm just annoyed at how hard everything is," said Sara flexing her finger and wrist through gritted teeth she even mange to lift her arm a few centimetres form her sling so everyone could see her hand.

"Lindsay broke her arm when she was eight thought it was great having everyone fuss round her sign her cast, then the novelty wore off and she tried to remove it with a pair of scissors," smiled Cath grinning somewhat at the memory.

"I keep her away from the scissors," commented Grissom getting a pout from Sara.

"Everyone's asking about, Brass keeps finding reasons to stop round the lab to get updates and thinks we haven't noticed," added Cath.

"speaking of the lab this was kind of a flying visit were on our way to search a car lot," said Warrick standing.

"150 cars and we don't know which one we want until we compare the tir etreads,2 said Cath already sounding defeated.

"I'd love to help," said Sara.

"the worrying thing is I know you mean that," said Cath shaking her head and hugging Sara before they left.

Sara wasn't looking forward to her first physiotherapy session, while part of her wanted to get her arm moving again so she wasn't as dependant on others the fear factor was kicking in and all she could picture was the pain as she pulled her arm free that night in the desert. She had insisted that Grissom go to work tonight as neither one knew what to do with themselves stuck at home and were on the verge of driving each other insane. It was now six thirty am and Sara was sitting waiting for Grissom to return, she had been up since four her shoulder was aching and insomnia started so she had read the last journal Catherine had given her and spent the past hour watching ESPN, Warrick would be proud. Sara was finding adapting back to only using one arm easy, it was remembering to use her left arm she found hard. However she had made coffee and toast with some contribution from her left arm propping things as she couldn't bare weight yet. Just taking her own arm out her sling and allowing it to hang as it was currently caused pain but she was keeping tout to show Grissom like a proud child. It was then she heard the key in the front door go and it swung open to reveal Grissom looking startled. He was suspired to find the lights on when he entered and shocked to see Sara stood beaming at him arms hung at her side. It took a few seconds for his brain to register what that meant.

"Hey," smiled Grissom walking up to Sara and embracing her carefully not to catch her arm.

"Feels like my arms going rip off from the shoulder but I did it," said Sara with a full on Sidle grin.

"Showing off for Hank," said Grissom looking over to the dog fast asleep in the corner.

"Actually I got it out but…"

"You can't get it back," finished Grissom. Sara picked up her sling and offered Grissom, "I think you need to sit," suggested Grissom working out the logistics. Sara sat on the sofa and laid her arm across her legs bending it with help from her right.

"So any good cases?" asked Sara.

"Skeletal remains on a building site from a missing person." Sara looked unimpressed, "who went missing five weeks ago," now she was interested. "I think they used acid to strip the bones," said Grissom sliding the sling under her arm.

"You think, what does the evidence say?" asked Sara as Grissom lifted the strap over her head so her arm was back in its sling.

"The evidence says trace and DNA are so backed up the only thing we have is an autopsy with cause of death unknown," replied Grissom.

"I miss work," sighed Sara.

Six hours later and Grissom was sat watching as Sara gritted her teeth while her arm was manipulated and massaged, all he could think was that it wasn't fair, they had been through this all before. Yet now they had an extra obstacle to overcome, that neither brought up, the chemo. Sara was going to go through hell and Grissom was going to have to watch, to try and support her, he had no idea when it came to comforting others. Catherine had told him when it came to Sara most of the time he got it right but what if this wasn't one of those times.

In one weeks time they had an appointment to discuss the chemotherapy and make a date to start hoping Sara's arm would be recovered so that she didn't have two things to contend with. Grissom had started to do research on the subject as had everyone else, Doc Robbins never had so many visitors, however until they knew the drug the side effects were unknown and as he had found everyone reacts differently. Robbins had told him because Sara generally reacted badly to drugs the chances were it was going to be a rough ride. Sara dreaded been ill in front of Grissom, she knew he wasn't good at handling it which made her feel worse. Sara had an friend in Cath who had agreed to come round and help out after the chemo while Grissom was at work. It was Catherine who had offered knowing Sara would need someone other than Grissom, after Natalie the pair had become close, so that when Grissom offered to take time off Cath stole the leave slip from him and dropped it in acid saying Sara needed a variety of people to offer different aspects of recovery, not repeatedly hearing the life cycle of a fly. It wasn't that Sara didn't want Grissom there she did but she also knew if her was there twenty four hours a day they would both go insane.

One week later and Sara and Grissom were leaving the same hospital Sara's arm now almost fully recovered hung at her side griping a large envelope stuffed with sheets of paper containing the information on her chemotherapy that was to start in four days. The drug that was going to be pumped into her veins to kill the cancer was cisplatin by an IV every three weeks lasting four cycles. As they sat in the car her eyes were drawn to the sheet entitled common side effects, fatigue, kidney damage monitoring will be needed, loos of hearing to high pitched sounds, temporary effect on bone marrow, tiredness, increased risk of infections and finally feeling or been sick with a warning underneath, sickness with cisplatin can be severe. Those words didn't inspire her with confidence but she wasn't going to show how scared she was, she was going to be strong, other people did and so could she, even so when she caught the appointment card for fours days her hands gave an involuntary shake.

TBC…………


	8. Chemo round 1

Sara felt like it was her first day of school again as she sat in the passenger seat of Catherine jeep

Sara felt like it was her first day of school again as she sat in the passenger seat of Catherine jeep. Catherine had leant her jeep to Grissom and Sara after her own car was in the shop. They had been driving now for twenty minutes in complete silence neither one knew what to say or wanted to say anything, they were both inside their own heads. They were on their way to Desert Palms for Sara to start her chemotherapy, they expected to be there around five hours with it been the first time they needed to do tests before Sara could start the treatment and all that meant extra time waiting, getting more and more anxious. It took ten minutes to get parked once they reached the hospital and then another five to get oncology so by the time they got to reception it was time to go in, which was probably a blessing. Grissom and Sara were taken into a large doctors office with a desk at one end where they were sat and a table the other for examinations. They were left alone for around thirty painfully long seconds before a tall brunette entered.

"Sara Sidle," the woman asked sitting down at the desk and flipping at a file.

"Yes, replied Sara.

"Always good to check your talking to whom you think, I'm Dr Kay and I'll be overseeing your treatment," she said shaking hands with both Grissom and Sara as Grissom introduced himself. "Right first thing have you read the information pack?"

"Yes," replied Sara.

"I'm impressed," smiled Dr Kay nodding, "most people manage the first page then have to have someone else tell them, it's easier to hear it from a stranger sometimes than been forced to admit it yourself," she explained to which Sara nodded fully understanding having to force yourself to read.

"Right first is there any questions you have concerning your treatment?"

Both Grissom and Sara sat in silence, Sara afraid that if she opened her mouth she wouldn't be able to form a coherent sentence and Grissom would realise just how scared she was. "Ok in that case well get started on the tests we need to run before we begin treatment, you've had the basic checks height, weight," she mumbled reading from the file, "I'm going to send you to urology first for a kidney function because as you know cisplatin can cause kidney damage so we need to closely monitor that, also we'll need a pregnancy test as standard procedure," she added seeing Grissom's little shift in the seat at the pregnancy test.

"So take this down to urology then come back up the main reception here and one of the nurses will sort you out," said Dr Kay standing and handing Sara a slip of paper.

"Thank you," said Sara slightly bewildered as she and Grissom left.

"So any idea what a kidney function test involves?" asked Sara as they walked down the corridor back to the elevators.

"Not really," replied Grissom looking over the hospital plan for urology.

"I bet I'm going to have to pee in something," sighed Sara.

Urology was on the fifth floor and the waiting room deserted as they rang the bell for attention.

"Hello," came the brisk reply of a passing nurse from the other side of the window.

"I urm was told to bring this here," said Sara taken back by the hassled look of the woman as she took the slip of paper.

"If you'd like to take a seat Miss Sidle someone will call you in a minute," she said her voice softening on reading the slip, Sara suspected it had cancer written in big letters across it that got the softened look and denier from the lady. Grissom and Sara took up the two plastic seats closest to the little window, something Grissom suspected he was going to get used too. As it turns out the kidney function test wasn't nearly as dramatic as it sounded all Sara had done was a blood and urine sample then they were sent back to oncology where they were left to sit in the reception for ten minutes.

"Miss Sidle," said an older nurse coming out through the pair of large white double doors.

"Sara," she replied standing.

"Right Sara were ready to start so if you'd come with me," she said smiling, "is your friend coming?" she asked clearly choosing her words as to what she should call Grissom.

"Yes," replied Grissom standing.

"As I'm sure you've been told we don't really have a visiting policy for the treatment area as many people for as long as you want," the nurse said leading them down a corridor into a large room at the end that was sectioned into two areas. In the first it was open plain with chairs and tables, rather like a waiting room but with people hooked up to machine occupying the chairs. The second which was where they were lead into had beds in with curtains sectioning off each one.

"I'm Michelle I'll be your named nurse for today, before I start do you have any questions?"

"No," answered Sara quietly because suddenly everything had become real, not which it hadn't before but now she was sat on the edge of a hospital bed about to start chemotherapy.

"Right well your free to wander around, you can leave the ward just as long at you have someone with you and you let us know, I can tell you now after an hour you'll be go going stir crazy from been in these four walls," she smiled as a tray was wheeled over, "you can sit," she said looking round at Grissom who was stood tensed.

"Right your first cycle will take three hours after which you will be free to go barring any side effects which if you have any let us know because there may be something we can do," she said which putting on a pair of gloves and picking up a needle.

"Ready," she asked as Sara eyes the bag of clear liquid that was about to be pumped into her body.

"Yeah," said Sara looking away as the needle was placed into her arm then the IV attached.

"Ok I'll see you in three hours," smiled Michelle as she punched something into the drip and left. Sara looking down at the tube going into her left arm the liquid dripped down from the beg so innocently but really she was dripping poison into her body.

Three hours later and it wasn't quite as Sara expected for some reason in the back of her mind she expected the second the drugs were pumped into her she would feel like crap but she felt ok as far as things go, she had a weird sensation and taste n her mouth which she had been told was one of the weird side effects but asides from feeling tired, which for her wasn't that unusual she felt out as the drip was finally removed. Grissom had done his best to try and keep her entertained for the three hours taking walks with her talking but three hours and Sara was very grateful of the rest of the teams offer to take it in turns coming to chemo with her. Sara could only hope that she stayed feeling as good as she did.

**TBC………………**


	9. Bad Reaction

The first round of chemo could have been worse Sara slept for most of the day afterwards and then the day after that. The rest of the week was spent napped during the day between visitors; she found even everyday tasks tiring which made her frustrated and irritable but now that was behind her because she was back at the hospital with an I.V. fixed into her arm for her second round. '

Grissom took up the seat next to her's but would be going to work afterwards while Catherine attended "Sara-Sitting Duty". Sara had flicked though a magazine, played a couple of hands of poker with Grissom which had managed to pass the three hours quite nicely as her IV was removed and she was allowed home.

Once they arrived home Catherine was already there sitting in her car in the driveway. The fatigue that Sara had experienced before was already taking hold and walking to the front door was an effort.

"How'd it go?" asked Catherine unsure of what questions would get her head bitten off.

"Okay," replied Sara heading over to the couch as Catherine gave Grissom a look asking him if that was true.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" asked Grissom.

"I'm sure three hours in each other's company is more than enough when I'm this I'm grumpy," muttered Sara flicking the TV on as Grissom approached her.

"Call me if you need anything," said Grissom planting a kiss on Sara lips and motioning for Catherine to join him at the front door. "The fatigue is hitting her the hardest; making her…" he paused wondering how to put it.

"Moody," offered Catherine to which Grissom nodded.

"She said she felt "off" a while before we left but she hasn't said anything since."

"Go on. I'll call you if she needs you," Catherine said giving Grissom an encouraging push out the front door.

"Sara, you're aware you're watching MTV's Cribs," commented Catherine on turning around. Receiving no response, she found Sara asleep on the sofa. Catherine made herself at home, making a sandwich and flicking through discarded magazines while surveying photo's and paintings on the walls.

It was two hours later that Sara finally stirred, still looking exhausted and, by how Grissom described Sara last time, worse for the wear. As she sat up her skin had a slightly pale greyish tint and Catherine noticed Sara's arms were shaking slightly.

Sara instantly regretted sitting up she woke feeling disoriented and a wall of nausea hit her; it was all she could do to turn her head over the arm of the seat as she became sick.

"Damn," Catherine cursed making a dash for the sofa as she saw Sara loose her breakfast over the carpet.

"Sorry," mumbled Sara rubbing her mouth and taking gulps of air to try and alleviate the sick feeling in her stomach. Suddenly she felt a pair of arms from the sofa.

Catherine pulled Sara's slim frame so her weight was against her and began to walk Sara towards the bathroom as quickly as she could manage. Once inside she let Sara slump down on the cool tilled floor next to the toilet as she began retching again.

This time Sara dry heaved, coughing on the foul taste of bile before falling backwards onto Catherine who was crouched down next to her smoothing her hair out of her face.

"Okay. Good girl," said Catherine quietly while rubbing Sara's cool bare arms for comfort. Sara was fighting back tears as she leaned against Catherine. Part of her still felt embarrassed about being sick in front of her co-worker but that didn't compare to how bad she felt at that moment. Her whole body was aching and tired and the nausea she felt was like nothing she could remember feeling before.

"Okay Sara. Lets get you to bed," suggested Catherine not wanting her to lie on the hard floor for long.

"I'm fine," mumbled Sara though clearly she wasn't, as Catherine had to literally drag her to her feet. Luckily the bedroom was almost opposite the bathroom and somehow between them they got Sara laid on top of the bed. Once Sara was secure Catherine began to position pillows under her to head to which she protested to with the feeble wave of her arm. Catherine then began feeling Sara's forehead; she was clammy but not warm.

"Sara, I'll be back in just a minute," The blonde reassured her not wanting Sara to think she was abandoning her. Jogging into the kitchen she found her breath coming in short gasps. The sudden turn for the worse Sara had taken had scared her. She calmed herself down as she searched the kitchen for a bucket then poured a glass of water before stopping off in the bathroom and wetting a cloth.

"How do you feel?" asked Catherine placing the bucket at the side of the bed where Sara was now lying on her side, her head propped up on two pillows.

"Sick," muttered Sara as Catherine placed the cloth on Sara's head before offering Sara the glass of water that she sipped then gagged instantly afterwards causing Catherine to jump slightly as the cloth fell against her arm and Sara's head dropped over the side of the bed with an array of unpleasant sounds coming it's owner.

"Damn," Catherine muttered once Sara was done. The mothering instinct in her made her want to do nothing more than pull Sara in a hug and tell her everything was going to be all right, but Sara wasn't a child and Catherine didn't know if it would be. Sara had now curled herself up into a foetal position, she wasn't sure if she was actually shaking or if she just felt like she was either way she could see the concerned look Catherine was giving her.

"Sara I'm juts going to clear up in the other room. I'll be right next door if you need me," said Catherine in a soft voice before leaving. Once outside she leaned against the wall and allowed a few tears to fall. She considered herself a strong women but seeing her friend like that was one of the few things that could break her. She composed her self before she picked up the phone and dialled.

XXXX

Nick had just broken the case and was particularly pleased with himself as he walked towards ballistics to share the good news with Warrick. He had barely reached the door when he was almost knocked down by Grissom heading full speed in the opposite direction.

"Whoa Griss. What's the rush?" said Nick spinning on the spot as Warrick stuck his head out the doorway.

"Sara. I've got to go. Ecklie knows," explained Grissom all in one breath before exiting.

"What's going on?" asked Warrick looking at Nick.

"I have no idea. Catherine was with Sara," replied Nick looking as confused as Warrick.

TBC...


	10. Aftermath

Once Catherine had cleared up she headed back down the hallway to Sara, stopping outside the bedroom and taking a breath to steady herself before she went in. On entering she found Sara sat propped up against the back of the bed, her head on her knees and her arms hugging her legs, her pale complexion was glistening with sweat and her whole body was shaking ever so slightly. On instinct Cath sat down next to her on the double bed and put an arm round her, feeling Sara lean against her she whispered, "your amazing you know."

Sara didn't feel amazing, she felt like crap. The room was swimming and the nausea refused to leave her body. Somehow just having Cath's arm around her made her feel worse like she was weak and giving in so how Cath could call her amazing.

"I'm not," croaked Sara.

"Not amazing, you came out that desert fighting and your still fighting now. I'd be on the floor begging to feel better if I looked as bad as you do," said Cath with a hint of a joke in her voice, "whatever it is you just get on with it, the only problem is sometimes you need to be reminded you don't need to do everything by yourself, that we're all here for you, even if it's just holding your hand," said Cath stroking the hair back from Sara's forehead as she pulled her head up tears glistened in her eyes.

"I don't want to be weak."

"You're not weak Sara. You're sick from having poison pumped into your body, through choice, to fight the cancer explain to me how that is weak," Sara didn't answer but hung her head back down as Cath rubbed her arms sympathetically.

Half an hour later Gil Grissom came crashing through the front door with such force Cath half expected it to fly off it's hinges.

"How is she?" asked Grissom catching his breath as he had clearly run from the car.

"She's asleep finally but she needs to start drinking something or she going to get dehydrated," said Cath in a hushed voice hoping not to wake Sara, as she needed the rest. "Now you look like you could do with a coffee I'll make one while you go check on her," said Cath with a smile not saying that she had been hovering outside the bedroom door seconds before he got in too scared to go back in the room and see her friend in such a state.

Slowly Grissom crept down the hallway towards their bedroom cracking the door open he found himself unprepared for the sight in front of him. Sara was laid on the bed looking so pale in the night-light her body trembling under the thin sheet that was laid over her. Grissom ran a hand down from his forehead stopping over his mouth; nothing could have prepared him for that.

"Gil," came Sara's quiet voice croaky due to the fact her throat was sore from vomiting.

"Yes honey," replied Grissom crouching down at the side of the bed stroking the side of her face.

"I feel crap," said Sara hoarsely.

"What can I do?" asked Grissom.

"Stay with me," said Sara with a hint of desperation in her voice as Cath entered the room, mug of coffee in one hand and glass of water in the other.

"I will, but you need to drink something," said Grissom taking the water from Catherine.

"I'll be sick," moaned Sara. Grissom pulled Sara's slim frame into his own and pressed the glass to her lip tilting it so she was forced to drink. Sara was grateful for the liquid that soothed her burning throat and covered the taste of bile but once it reached her rolling stomach she retched spluttering on the water as she struggled to keep what little was in her stomach down. Cath grabbed the bowl shoving it under Sara's chin as she retched the water now missed her mouth and ran off her chin. Grissom removed the glass rubbing one hand on Sara's back as her breathing steadied to normal and she spat out the fowl taste in her mouth. She felt horrible but somehow having Grissom there made her feel better not physically better, but in her mind she felt stronger

"Ok?" asked Cath still clinging onto the bucket as Sara nodded she removed it, "try to get some rest," she added standing she turned to Grissom nodded to him then left the room in silence, Grissom didn't know what to say but he didn't need to say anything because fatigue had taken over and Sara was drifting to sleep lent against him.

The next time Sara woke the room was lighter the sun had risen and was coming in through the curtains. She felt cool but one side of her was warmed by another body laid asleep propped up on some pillows next to her was Grissom. Slowly she tilted her head to the other side causing her headache and general ache to worsen somewhat she was Catherine Willows sat on a dinning chair with a blanket wrapped round her sleep at the side of the bed. Sara felt horrible she felt sick and weak, like a bad hangover only without the pleasure of the drink. Any movement made her stomach roll and the room whirl. She felt dirty because she had sleep in her clothes hat were damp from sweet. It was in t hat moment that the flood barriers broke and Sara began to sob because at that moment in time there was nothing else she could do. She cried until her body shock and her eyes and throat burned as she struggled to catch her breath and eventually she succumbed to sleep once again leaving her face blotchy red and tear stained like a fallen angel laid in the crumpled white sheets between her guardians.

Catherine woke up not in her own bed but propped up and a chair a blanket wrapped around her reminding her somewhat of her younger days when she would begin to feel the workings of a hangover but instead she looked across the room to see Sara and Grissom asleep on the bed, at that moment she would have preferred a hangover.

Deciding to get up Cath began to tidy the room careful not to wake anyone they both needed their rest. Once the room was a bit tidier Cath headed into the kitchen to make breakfast.

Grissom awoke to the sound of the kettle, stretching his arm connected with another. Looking over he saw Sara laid curled in ball looking slightly better than the night before through her skin was still deathly white she was no longer warm to the touch in fact if anything her arm felt cool as he ran his hand along it. Sitting up Grissom laid a blanket over Sara then grabbed some clean clothes before heading into the bathroom. Once he was clean Grissom headed into the kitchen where Catherine was stood eating toast.

"I made you some," she said with a halfhearted smile handing Grissom a plate.

"Thanks," said Grissom taking the plate, "you're at work tonight aren't you?"

"Yeah I'll head home and get some sleep," replied Cath, "you need anything before I go?"

"Were ok for now, than you," answered Grissom slightly unsure of how he was going to handle the situation by himself.

"I'm only a phone call away we all are," said Cath hugging a slightly surprised Grissom before leaving. Once outside Cath flipped her phone out she had nine missed calls and three texts all from Nick, Warrick and Greg wanting to know what was going on.

When Grissom went back into the bedroom he found a very groggy Sara making sitting up look very hard work, which for her it was.

"Hey honey," Grissom immediately went to her side and started propping pillows up for her to lean against, "how are you feeling?" he cringed as the words came out but it was an automatic response but to his surprise Sara didn't look angry, he didn't think she had the energy.

"Hungover," answered Sara deciding that was the best way to describe it.

"You think you could eat some toast?" asked Grissom.

"In a bit," replied Sara with a weak grin, "at the minute I still feel like throwing up."

Grissom spent the next two hours laid on the side of the bed next to her, talking, playing checkers and feeding her toast and drinks until later in the day she wanted to get out the bed. Unfortunately her body didn't agree with moving and she was sick a couple of times again. By late evening Sara decided she finally felt like she wasn't going to be sick and had a shower to feel move human again, having a shower with Grissom's assistance had been a lot more fun the last time they tried at as Sara had pointed out using humour to mask how bad the situation actually was because after she'd used all her energy and fell asleep straight away.

It wasn't until two days before the next treatment Sara felt somewhat normal, even though she was till tired the simple tasks didn't exhaust her to the point of having to sit down, she had even been to visit the lab where everyone had been walking on eggshells scared of upsetting her until Hodges came out with 'chemo's a scary son of a bitch' and Sara burst into laughter pleased that someone was finally speaking in front of her. She had to admit after having the first round she was didn't want the second, she knew she needed it but a large part of her brain told her not to, the same part the told her to run and hide but she was stronger than that, well at least that was what everyone was telling her, she felt in now but thinking back to how weak she felt that day lying on the bed she knew she wasn't going to feel as strong soon.

**TBC…………………**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think…**


	11. Chemo round 2

**A/N Thanks you to everyone who reviewed your all stars!**

Sara took a deep breath before the automatic doors in front of her opened and she stepped into the hospital elevator accompanied by two men.

"I always thought hospitals should be in brighter colours," announced Greg breaking the silence while Nick glared at him as he tried too hard to make it aright. But Sara couldn't blame him, he was been a good friend, it was good of the two guys to come with her. Grissom had just worked a double and despite been tired he said he'd come with her but Greg and Nick stepped in and now they were on their way with Sara to her second round of chemo. So far they had been doing a great job of taking Sara's mind off it, talking to her about work Greg trying to chat up a victims niece, but once they entered the hospital the conversation had dried up as the reality hit all three of them.

Nick was worried, he'd talked to Cath and after she told him how ill Sara was after the first one he had to admit he was worried, if she became ill he wouldn't know how to act, Catherine had told it was all instinct but when it came down to it Nick didn't know how he'd handle seeing one of his best friends so ill. On the outside Greg seemed the picture of calm but every now then Nick would catch him looking worriedly over Sara which made him feel slightly better that Greg was a scared as him, god only knows what was going through Sara's mind.

'You might be fine this time' Sara kept going over and over again in her head trying to convince herself, 'it was ok at first until you started puking your guts up, damn," Sara inwardly flinched as the thought entered her head and they stepped out the lift onto the oncology floor.

"Could you guys wait here while I get urm hooked up," said Sara as they reached reception.

"Whatever you want," said Nick placing a comforting hand on her arm. He and Greg then took up two of the plastic chairs adorning the walls while Sara went to the little window and then disappeared through a set of double doors.

Sara followed the nurse into the side room where another awas been hooked up to an IV, the woman gave Sara a small nod as she came through the understanding eyes of someone about to go through the same thing as her met Sara's and she faltered slightly as she sat down. The nurse pulled the curtain over so Sara had some privacy.

"Right so how did the last treatment go and don't go playing the martyr when we might be able to help."

This nurse clearly had Sara sussed just be looking at her.

"It was…." Sara trailed off not wanting to admit it.

"Any sickness?" the nurse asked while preparing Sara's IV clearly used to people like Sara who weren't ready to admit anything.

"Yes," replied Sara somehow suddenly unable to meet the nurse's eyes.

"Would you like an anti emetic?"

"Please," said Sara quietly.

Ten minutes later the double doors to the reception creaked open and Sara beckoned to Greg and Nick to come in. The two men had to admit it was weird seeing Sara stood IV in arm wondering around as if nothing was happening. The room they followed her into was daunting; it was full of others having treatment all clearly in various stages of the disease and treatment.

"This is the main room," explained Sara, "sort of like the day room on the ward you don't get your own room unless your pretty bad and luckily I'm not in that category yet," she said with a false humour that Nick had to admire her for.

"So what have we got to do around here?" asked Greg slapping his hand together as they sat round an empty table.

"We have lots of crosswords, puzzles and cards," replied Sara in a slightly apologetic tone.

"Arsehole it is," smiled Greg getting looks not just from Sara and Nick but from a few people sat near by. "It's a card game," sighed Greg indicating for some cards, which Sara provided from the table behind her.

"This British guy I went to college with taught me, used to pass lots of nights playing this. You have a president and an arsehole," Greg began explaining the game to the pair.

An hour later and they were still playing cards Nick was currently residing as president and Sara was an arsehole as she had proudly declared when she lost the last game but that may have had something to do with the drugs taking effect and the fatigue taking hold.

An hour later and all the poison had been pumped into Sara's veins and it was becoming obvious to Nick and Greg as to one side effect. Sara was stood in the elevator between the two men swaying ever so slightly because of the effort standing up was placing on her weakened body. Nick caught Greg's eye as they stepped out the elevator and without saying a word Greg slipped an around Sara's waist and lent into him allowing him to take some of her weight. She felt so tired again all she wanted to do was curl up and sleep forever, she felt slightly nauseous but nothing compared to last time although she had to admit this time the world was spinning slightly like she'd been in two many fair ground rides. So she was grateful when they reached the car and she was able to sit down. Greg and Nick spoke mostly to each other on the drive back both understanding that Sara needed to rest rather than be forced to talk. They had barely come to a standstill of Grissom and Sara's front when Grissom came almost jogging out the front door to meet them; he had clearly been at the window waiting for quite some time.

"Hey," smiled Greg as Grissom nodded at them going straight to Sara.

"I'm ok," said Sara with a half-hearted smile, "thank guys," she added turning to Nick and Greg.

"Any time," smiled Nick, "well get off now," he added not wanting Grissom to think he had to invite them in the last thing they needed now was guests.

"True fully?" asked Grissom once he and Sara were inside.

"Remember when you took me on the roller coaster three times in a row, kind of like that," said Sara now leaning against Grissom as he walked her to the bedroom.

"Would you like a bath?" he asked as she sat down on the bed.

"I'll probably fall asleep and drown," she mumbled pulling at her top wanting to get into some comfier clothes since she started chemo her skin seemed really sensitive.

"I'll be on drowning duty," said Grissom getting up to run her a bath, he was grateful for once he could actually do something even if it was just turn on two taps it made him feel better like he was helping.

By the time Sara had gotten bathed she was exhausted, she was dressed in a white vest top and black slacks with a grey hooded top hanging off her shoulders as she lay on the bed silently praying that the nausea that was starting to creep up on her would leave of it's own accord. Grissom had busied himself in the kitchen hoping that without him lingering in the doorway Sara would at least be able to pretend he wasn't fretting and be able to sleep. So when he ventured in twenty minutes later he was surprised to find her fast asleep curled up on top of the bed her chest rising and falling steadily. He was still sound asleep three hours later when he came to bed, he had been so scared of waking her that rather than trying to get under the covers she was laying on he fetched a blanket from the spare room and used it to cover himself.

Sara woke three hours later with the horrible sensation that she was going to be sick, her mouth was filled with saliva and had hands trembling slightly as she forced herself out the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, she cursed the door for creaking as she opened it and dropped to her knees by the toilet waiting for the inevitable to take over.

Grissom woke to the sound of someone coughing, it took a moment for his senses to wake up but once they had he was on his feet heading straight for the bathroom where he found Sara lent against the toilet wiping her mouth. Without saying a word Grissom took a cloth from the side and ran it under the cold tap then passed it to Sara before taking a glass he had left in there earlier and filing it with water and handing to her.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" asked Grissom once Sara had sipped at the water. He knew not to question how she felt, it was obvious and he knew fussing over her would only upset her so he did what he was good at acted as if nothing was a big deal.

"I still feel sick," said Sara in an unusually small voice.

"You'll be comfier in bed," said Grissom bending down and placing an arm round her middle as she stood. He then walked her back to the bedroom laying her down he then went and fetched the bucket from the kitchen and placed it next to the bed before laying down again next to Sara. He felt uncomfortable he didn't know what to do then he felt a hand against his as Sara searched out him comforting touch and with out truing to each other they linking hands and laid in silence that one action enough to comfort the both of them.

The next time Sara woke it was dark but it felt like the desert sun was beating down on her, god she hated night sweats. She pushed the blanket off herself allowing some of the cool air to temporally relieve the fire that ragging across her body. She felt sick, she hated that feeling, the bed sheets around her were damp from perspiration suddenly she felt he bile rise in her throat and threw herself to the side of the bed just in time as she vomited what little she'd eaten in the bucket Grissom had placed there. After laying her head hanging over the side for a few seconds Sara swung her feet over sitting up and making sure she wasn't going to be sick again she slowly rose from the bed not wanting to wake Grissom. She found her legs week and shaky as was her entire body as she picked the bucket up and stumbled one foot in front of the other towards the bathroom. The cool tiles felt wonderful against her skin as she cooled down clearing up the best she could while the nausea was still rolling through her body. She wasn't sure how long she sat in the bathroom floor but eventually the cooler Vegas night air got to her and she began to shiver so somehow dragged herself back to bed.

Grissom woke to the vibration of his phone on the night stand as the alarm went off in the darkness, why he agreed to work swing tonight he didn't know but Sara had told him he should something to do with needed daylight. He rolled over to find Sara asleep next to him the cover half draped over her. He got up quietly trying his best not to wake her as he tiptoed to the bathroom but on entering he nearly went flying over a bucket left in the doorway. Sighing he picked it up knowing Sara had been ill in the night, he looked down at his watch Cath would be there in an hour to keep and eye on her and he only had twenty minutes to get to work.

When Catherine Willows pulled up to the house the sun was just beginning to rise. There were no signs of life inside so she took out the key Grissom had given her and let herself in. she found Sara asleep on the sofa the TV playing itself. Sara stirred as Cath wondered round tiding as only a mother could.

"Morning," said Sara sleepily.

"Sorry did I wake you?" asked Cath coming over and sitting on a chair taking in Sara's appearance.

"No I was just drifting," said Sara her skin looking dreadfully pale against her dark brown hair.

"I'm sure you're sick of this question but how you feeling?" asked Cath getting up to make herself some coffee.

"Not too bad," replied Sara honestly she still felt sick but she was becoming used to that. "How's things at work?" asked Sara hoping for a distraction as Cath set about making herself and Sara some breakfast.

"Ecklie got a dressing down from Bobby," said Cath with a wicked smile as Sara followed her into the kitchen pouring herself some water.

"From Bobby," smiled Sara.

"We were slightly short staffed so Ecklie went out in the field when he got back he forgot to sign for the weapons he test fired. Bobby yelled at him in front of the entire lab," laughed Cath as the toast popped up.

"Busy night?" said Sara sitting down as Cath shoved a slice of toast in front of her.

"Me and Warrick had a B and E that turned out to be the teenage son steeling from his parents and three trash runs," said Cath as Sara reluctantly began chewing he toast.

"Now if that doesn't help with the nausea nothing will," smiled Cath.

**TBC…….**

**Next time it's Warrick's Birthday….**


	12. Party

A/N this had taken me ages to update and I apologise, hopefully it won't take me as long for the next part. Thanks if you left a review…if not…why not? : )

Two days later and Sara still felt tired despite the fact it was eleven in the morning she had only just got out of bed and the only reason she had managed that was because today was warrick's birthday and she was going to go and join everyone else for his birthday meal if it mean crawling on her hands and knees to get there.

"Are you sure…" Grissom only got half his sentence out before Sara interrupted him waving her arm.

"I'm fine, it's Warrick's birthday and I need to get out the house," said Sara going into the kitchen where Grissom was attempting to wrap Warrick's gift, a shirt that Sara had picked out.

"Considering you can wrap a car air tight, you're making that look hard work," grinned Sara as Grissom tried to bite the tape that was half attached to the wrapping paper and half to his arm.

"You could help," suggested Grissom as shook her head and got up banging her knee on the unit as she did.

"Damn," hissed Sara rubbing her knee, "guess that's another oen to add to the collection," she sighed running a finger over the angry purple bruise on her forearm from where she caught the beds side unit. One of the many downsides of chemo was that all Sara had to do was breath to had on herself and she would bruise.

"What time are we going again?" asked Grissom who hadn't been paying attention the first time he'd been told.

"In about half an hour," smiled Sara knowing he hadn't been listening the first time as she'd told him while her was flicking through a new journal he'd received on the feeding habits of maggots.

"Oh," replied Grissom.

"Are you coming?" asked Sara picking Warrick's present up and heading for the door.

"You've…. picked up," said Grissom noting Sara's sudden enthusiasm for going, considering she'd spent the past couple of days moping round the house hassling him for snippets of information about work.

"It'll be good to see everyone again," smiled Sara grateful for the distraction even through she knew the subject of her illness would be danced around at some point in the night.

"Ok I'm coming," sighed Grissom was Sara stood at the door bouncing on her heels like an excited child.

Catherine, Brass, Greg and Nick were already at Warrick's as Grissom and Sara arrived.

"Hey there girl," smiled Warrick greeting Sara with a hug before she even had chance to step through the doorway.

"Hey happy birthday," smiled Sara for once not pulling away from the display of friendship.

"Warrick," Grissom greeted him on entering with a simple handshake and handed him the rather poorly wrapped parcel.

"What did you do wrap it with your feet," asked Cath snatching Warrick's present form him and examining the wrapping.

"It's the thought that counts," countered Grissom.

"He can pull apart a carpet fibre but give him paper and tape and he can't cope," smiled Sara as Cath pulled her into a hug, a right of passage she was going to have to go through with the entire group, minus Brass who was restraining himself.

"Is it ok if I detach the paper later," said Warrick pulling his finger from where it had stuck to a piece of tape.

"Sure," smiled Sara as the group went into the main room, "now correct me if I'm wrong but I thought it was traditional that on your birthday someone else cooked," said Sara, "yet you've invited us all round for dinner."

"This is Vegas, I ordered dinner," smiled Warrick, "pizza's should be here nay minute, got you a veggie one," he grinned.

"I brought wine and he's ordered pizza," smiled Cath as the group sat down.

The subject of Sara's illness had managed to be avoided the entire way through dinner until about ten minutes after when half way through a story about Brass arresting a woman dressed as Wonder Women Nick stopped staring at Sara.

"Urm Sara you're bleeding," said Nick indicating her nose.

"What?" said Sara gently touching her nose and discovering a red trail left along her finger, "damn," cursed Sara putting her hand under he nose as he cheeks flushed red with embarrassment.

"I'll get some tissues," said Warrick getting up.

"Sorry," muttered Sara.

"Nothing to be sorry about," smiled Cath as Sara got up fleeing the room, grabbing the box of tissues off Warrick as she headed into the bathroom.

"Should you go after her?" Nick asked Grissom.

"Best to leave her for a minute," replied Grissom.

"Is that normal?" asked Greg quietly.

"Side effect," replied Grissom.

"Perhaps I should go," suggested Cath.

"Maybe we should go," came Sara's voice as she came back in the room a tissue shoved under her nose her eyes pleading with Grissom to run away and hide with her.

"Sara," started Grissom standing up as he noticed the tears glistening in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said the words catching in her throat as tears began to fall.

"Come here," sighed Grissom pulling her into a hug.

"Sorry," mumbled Sara again now wiping at her eyes.

"Sorry for what?" said Greg standing up and walking over to where Grissom, Sara and Cath were stood.

"This," said Sara wiping away the last few tear and checking her nose had stopped bleeding.

"Do you even realise how brave your been?" asked Nick. Sara looked blank at him.

"You know you my idol right," said Greg putting an arm round her, "you are my work and life coach," he smiled, "your amazing."

"I tell her that everyday, one day she might listen," said Grissom gently stroking Sara's hair as she buried her mow crimson face in his shoulder.

"Ok I think that's enough sentiment for one meal," said Cath changing the subject much to Sara's relief, "now Lindsay told me I couldn't go to a party without this," smiled Cath bending down and producing two microphones from a bag, "who's up for singstar?" she grinned.

TBC……………..


	13. This is hard

Sara knew this wasn't going to be good, she had felt it ever since the drip went in for some reason she was really anxious about this round of chemo. It might have been that she was still tired from the last lot and the extra side effects such as bruising and random nosebleed were starting to frustrate her. She'd nearly finished her IV and had spent the past half hour in a chair lent against Grissom as he flicked through a forensic journal. He didn't need to as how she was feeling he could tell she felt rough.

"Nearly time to go," he whispered into her ear as her Iv began beeping indicating that it had finished. Sara stayed in a dream while the Iv was removed it wasn't until she heard the nurse talking to Grissom she really began to pay attention to what was going on again.

"I'll get you wheelchair," said the nurse smiling at Grissom and leaving.

"Wheelchair?" asked Sara confused to what was going on. Grissom was aboutto have to employ something he wasn't used to tact.

"just to take you to the car," said Grissom trying his best nto to sound like he was talkignto a small stubronmchidl despite the fact he knew she was about to descend tot that.

"I can walk," said Sara loudly as she stood on tired and wobbly legs she found she was wrong, she could walk but it was no easy feet, it made the world spin around her.

"It's either I wheel you or I carry you," said Grissom not about to let her and her stubborn ways make her sickness worse.

"Here you go," smiled the nurse brining a chair out and Sara reluctantly got in. she went to the car in silence her head looking down all the time. Grissom stayed silent knowing not to push it with her, she could be hard to handle at the best of time but when she wasn't feeling well she had an explosive fuse.

It wasn't until they got home that either one spoke.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore," said Sara quietly as Grissom helped Sara straight down into the bedroom.

"I know," replied Grissom stroking her hair as she laid on the bed.

"Your warm," sighed Grissom his hand sliding down onto her forehead.

"I feel sick," muttered Sara unzipping her top and sliding it off she was laid in jeans and a white vest top. Grissom stood until she turned curling up on her self facing the window he sighed leaving the room. He went into the kitchen a put he kettle on to make a coffee he then opened the kitchen cupboard and got out he supplies he'd made the other night. An old washing up bowl willed with cloths and cups ready for encase Sara was ill. He filled to cups with water and carried them down to the bedroom that he found empty. He didn't need to ask where she was he placed the cups and bowl down and retraced his steps going into the bathroom where he found Sara on her knees next to the toilet he pale skin blending in with the porcelain.

"Honey," Grissom bending down next to her and pulling her towards him. she was shaking against him as he pulled her tighter she pulled back form him throwing herself back towards the toiler as she became sick. Grissom pulled her back and rubbed circles on her back as she vomited for the third time then fell back against him exhausted. "It's ok Sara," whispered Grissom pushing her damp hair back form her pale face. She looked really ill, white as sheet, trembling and barely responsive.

"Let's get you cooled down," said Grissom speaking to himself as he scooped Sara up into his arms and carried her towards the bedroom.

Sara was dying, that how it felt and to be honest at the moment she didn't care she just wanted the pain to stop. Her body felt like it was on fire with wave of heat passing over her putting her on the verge of passing out. Her hands were clutched round her rebelling stomach she wasn't really aware of what was going on anymore everything was blur that made her nauseous. Grissom had got her laid on the bed and placed cold cloths across her head and arms trying desperately to cool her down. She'd pulled her legs into her body holding her stomach.

"Sara," Grissom turned away to look for a thermometer when he heard a sound like she was choking he turned back in time to see her be violently sick down the side of the bed.

"Shit," cursed Grissom grabbing a cloth and wiping round her mouth he managed to slide the sheet out from under her, something that most people would find disgusting but as a CSI a vomit covered sheet was nothing.

"Make it stop," croaked Sara her eyes no longer focusing on Grissom.

He couldn't do it anymore he dropped the cloth and fled the room he stood outside the door his back pressed against he wall one hand over his face hiding the cascade of tears that were falling. After a few seconds he stumbled into the main room grabbing the phone.

Catherine willows had just finished arguing with Lindsay over a new top she'd got when the phone rang, stressed she grabbed the phone and answered in a frustrated manner.

"Hello," she snapped. It was a few seconds before the reply came but she could hear someone's muffled breathing.

"Catherine," Grissom voice was barely audible through gasps for breath.

"Grissom what's happened?" asked Cath trying to remain calm but the fact Gil Grissom was on the other end of the phone crying sent her panicking.

"Cath she really sick I don't' know what to do," said Grissom his usual cool calm collected exterior out the window.

"Can you get her too hospital?" replied Cath she didn't know what was going on but for Grissom to be in that state she knew it was bad.

"Yes," replied Grissom processing in his head what was going on, he knew he needed to get Sara to hospital but somehow his brain wasn't functioning.

"I'll meet you there," said Cath as Grissom hung up without even saying goodbye.

TBC…………………


	14. Fear

He was shaking as he put the phone down, with unsteady hand he replaced the receiver and picked the car keys up from the counter slipping them into his pocket. He found himself picking up pace as he walked back towards Sara but paused outside her room rubbing his hands over his face trying to regain some sort of composure he pushed the floor open to find her curled in the foetal position in the middle of the bed. His heart melted seeing her so valuable.

"It's ok honey, I'm going to make it stop," he whispered bending down and scooping her light frame up into his arms. Her skin felt clammy against his and he was relived when her hand gently gripped his shoulder as he shuffled her so she was in a better position to be carried. She barely weighed anything as he carrying her through the house, opening and locking the front door with her in his arms was a struggle but he could bare to let go off her. He managed to get her sat up in the front seat but didn't bother doing the belt up he just wanted to get there. Grissom had to force himself to drive sensible when all he wanted to door was floor it, it took all his self control to drive round the car park to find a space.

"It's ok were here," Grissom reassured Sara struggling to lift her from the car without putting his arms where she had been sick on the seat.

"Sorry, car," muttered Sara as Grissom began striding towards the ER entrance. The waiting room was quite full however before he had even reached the sign in window with Sara two nurses had come running out to great him.

"What happened, what's her name?" asked the shorter blonde nurse as the other wheeled over a gurney for him to put her on.

"Sara Sidle she had chemo earlier, she been really sick," Grissom followed the gurney still clinging into Sara had as they were taken into a cubical and the brunette nurse called for a doctor.

"What sort of treatment is she having?" asked the female doctor coming in while the blonde nurse began putting a Bp cuff on Sara's arm.

"Urm," Grissom had frozen, he was good at this stuff he knew what medications he was on what dose but his mind had frozen.

"It's ok well look in the notes,"

"Bp's ok, you want an IV," asked the nurse clearly used to this because as she said it she handed Sara an basin as she expelled what little was left in her stomach.

"Yeah, fluids and compozine," instructed the doctor, "you are?"

"Gil Grissom her urm boyfriend," replied Grissom now been forced to let go of Sara's arm as it was the one they wanted to start the IV in.

"Ok Mr Grissom did Sara loose consciousness at any time,"

"I don't' think so," replied Grissom having now turned into a complete wreak.

"It's ok probably just dehydration can be scary through," the blonde nurse reassured Grissom as she stuck a needle in a scarcely conscious Sara.

"I'll get you seat," she smiled, "I'm Jenny by the way."

Grissom sat in the cold, hard plastic chair that was placed by Sara's bed side. She was barely conscious now, an oxygen tube ran around her face and an IV pierced her pale skin. The nurse has propped her up slightly with pillows and placed a basin next to her. He couldn't do it, it felt like he was watching her die. Without warning he almost leapt from the seat and marched out the cubical with no idea of his destination. The hospital was busy as he walked through reception towards fresh air but just as he was about to step outside and hand grasped his arm.

"What's going on?" came the familiar voice of Catherine Willows. She was dishevelled and had clearly left the house in a rush rather than a bag she held her keys and purse, "Grissom speak to me," said Cath her voice increasing in pitch as panic edged in.

"She's in a cubical," said Grissom breaking away from Catherine grasp and walking out the hospital. Cath was torn as to who to go after she turned jogged towards where Grissom had gone but once outside he had vanished, she knew where he was anyway. Sighing she dialled Brass.

"Brass."

"Hey Jim are you on shift I really need a favour," said Cath pacing outside the hospital entrance.

"I'm at the station with Nick and Warrick but I can get away for while," replied Brass.

"Good I need to you to go fetch Grissom, Sara's in hospital,"

"Why is she ok? I thought Gil was at home with her," Brass rattled he questions of like a true cop.

"He was I'm not sure what's going on at the minute but Grissom just bailed from the hospital," said Cath.

"Ok don't worry, just ring me when you know something," said Brass hanging up and allowing Cath to finally go find out what was going on.

She found Sara's nurse who explained she was been treated for dehydration then she found Sara asleep in a cubical hocked up to drips and Bp monitors, Cath sat down in the seat next to the bed and made herself as comfy as she could she had a feeling she was going to be their a while.

The door to Grissom and Sara's house wasn't locked as Brass entered it seemed to be all in darkness but there sat on the sofa was Grissom.

"Cath sent you," said Grissom not even looking up.

"Yeah you see I'm a bit confused," said Brass walking so he was stood in front of Grissom, "your girlfriends in hospital and you here."

"I can't do it," said Grissom still not looking up.

"Do what?" asked Brass sitting on the coffee table.

"Be there for her, I can't get close," said Grissom.

"I think it's a bit late for that she's in love with you and I thought you loved her,"

"I do," said Grissom putting his head up, the rays of light coming into the dark room glistening on the wet tears streaked down his checks. "I don't know what to do, I told her that when she asked me out, I told her I didn't know what to do about it."

"But she did," said Brass.

"She always does. I have no idea what I'm doing Jim I can't sit there and watch her like that."

"I'm imaging sitting their like that isn't much fun either." For a second Grissom looked angrily at Brass, "believe it or not you don't have to have the answer for everything. All you have to do is be there and try your best."

"What if it's not good enough?"

"Then it's not but right now Sara needs you so where your whiskey?"

"Whiskey?"

"Dutch courage," replied Brass, "Nick overheard the fact you'd left and got angry, so after Cath's finished with you expect an ear full from him," said Brass getting up in search of a bottle.

Nick Stokes had practically ran to the hospital when he got to where Sara wa she was panting as he ran in.

"Nick," said Cath surprised from where she was sat rubbing Sara's shoulder sympathetically. Sara was now awake and not best pleased she didn't feel as physically sick as she had but she still felt horrible.

"Hey," said Sara weakly, "did you call everyone?" Sara asked slowly turning her head to Cath.

"You know Grissom when he panics its one of the few times he goes overboard," Cath said the last bit at Nick who she was trying to stare down.

"I know he's not here," said Sara looking at Nick and breaking into a hacking cough due to her dry throat.

"We just didn't want you to be alone," said Nick finally beginning to calm down.

"He'll be back when he's got a plan in his head," said Sara her voice croaky.

"I wouldn't call it a plan," said Grissom as the curtain went back and he and Brass walked in, "I'm sorry," he walked over and pulled Sara into a hug.

"We'll give you some privacy, come back when you've moved to a ward,2 said Cath ushering the two men out.

"Sara I'm really sorry."

"Don't be I knew you break eventually, I knew I would," said Sara as Grissom sat on the edge of the bed stroking her hair back.

"I love you," said Grissom with more emotion in his voice than Sara's had ever heard.

**TBC………………**

**Ok I probably wont update again until the new year, I've got work and uni essays in so don't think I've forgotten it I will get back to this fic….until the Merry Christmas and please drop a review.**


	15. Walkabouts

**A/N back after a long delay as other more boring stuff got in the way…anyway enjoy and feel free to drop a line and tell me what you think.**

The first two days of Sara's hospital stay hadn't been to bad, mostly because she was fairly out of it from been dehydrated but now on the third say she felt better. Not well but better than she had been and well enough to start moaning.

"Come its not that bad," said Warrick attempting to cheer Sara up while he and Catherine took over from Grissom who had been sent home for a shower.

"You've got Greg's DS," smiled Cath, "to him that's like lending you an arm," she smiled getting a slight upturn of the lips from Sara. She was sat on her bed crossed legged like a child, playing with her IV. When she was admitted Cath had been out to buy her some decent pyjamas because it seemed she usually wore Grissom's old tee shirts or something unsuitable for public viewing, that had certainly peeked Greg's interest in the conversation about shopping.

"I just want to go home and have everyone stop fussing around me," sighed Sara giving up trying to loosen her IV because it was beginning to hurt.

"You heard what the doctor said if you keep fluid down to day and solid tomorrow you can go," reassured Warrick.

"Great," muttered Sara, "then they stick me again in a fortnight,"

"Last round," said Cath putting a hand on Sara's knee.

"Unless it didn't' work,' mumbled Sara.

"I see you haven't lost your infectious optimism and cheerfulness," smiled Cath.

"And your still got you sarcastic streak," commented Sara.

"I got Grissom to go shower didn't I," retorted Catherine.

The next day Sara was a lot more optimistic she no longer felt sick just incredibly tired, a feeling she was becoming used to. Grissom couldn't help but smirk as she swore at the little white DS she held in her hand as she lost at the game again. With nothing better to do she had become rather addicted to the console to stop her going completely insane over her stay. Finally the next morning she was discharged and allowed home, she was grateful of the change of scenery even if she did sleep for twelve hours after getting home.

It wasn't until the next week she finally had enough strength to do something other than drag herself around the house. She had finally got Grissom to stop ringing every half hour from work, to every hour. She made the short walk to the shop and rewarded herself with ice cream for her journey. However as she wondered back towards the house she found a familiar sense of unease creeping up, four days now, four days until he 'last' round of chemo. She hadn't said the word last out loud she was afraid it would jinx it somehow. She also hadn't admitted how scared she was of it. She'd done a good job hiding it from Grissom as he attempted to probe her about it the other day. On entering the house she found herself not wanting to be alone. She looked over at the clock, only eight Grissom still had hours left on shift as did everyone else. Then it occurred to her where she wanted to be, sure Grissom would lecture her about germs and a weaken immune system but right not she didn't care she just wanted to be around people rather than alone with her thoughts so she picked up the phone and called a cab. The lab was its usual busy self, Judy didn't even look up as Sara passed through reception and her wonderings of the hallways went relatively unnoticed it was only Hodges who did a double take at her presence as she passed by trace in search of anyone from the night shift.

"They're all out," called Hodges looking back down at his microscope as Sara paused.

"Cath and Nick are in autopsy should be back soon they'll want to see this," smiled hedges.

"What you got?" asked Sara stepping inside the lab.

"Graphite," replied Hodges, "found up the victims nose."

"Some one stuck a pencil up their nose?" asked Sara leaning over the microscope to take a look.

"Some one stuck several," replied Hodges, "different densities, some one decided to snort on the party pack." Sara gave Hodges the raised eyebrow treatment for his last comment, "oh yeah also found traces of cocaine," he added.

"Sara," Cath's voice startled Sara and she reacted like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "what you doing here? Is everything ok?"

"Yeah I just needed some company," replied Sara nervously the effort of her trip suddenly catching up with her.

"Why don't we go the break room get something to drink," suggested Cath seeing the tiredness on Sara's face.

"Ok," said Sara with a half smile then she turned to Hodges, "thanks," she said genuinely glad of his company he hadn't pestered her as to how she was, hadn't made any comment to her illness, although that might be because he didn't' know what to say but he had treated her as he always had which right now was what she needed.

"You know Grissom going to have a fit when he finds you here," said Cath pouring Sara a drink of water and herself a coffee.

"I know the house was just too quiet," said Sara taking the drink, "is there any biscuits I'm kind of light-headed," admitted Sara rather dealing with it now than pass out in the hall somewhere.

"Here," Cath handed Sara a packet of half eaten biscuits.

Sara was only half way through the first biscuit when she blurted it out, "I'm scared," she said in no more than a whisper but Cath picked up on it sitting down next to her.

"I'd be worried if you weren't," said Cath placing a hand on Sara's knee.

"I don't want anymore chemo, I don't want to be that sick again. I know I need it but my entire body is tell me to run away and hide form it." Tears were neo forming in Sara's eyes and she had to fight to keep them from falling.

"I wish I could tell you it was going to be ok Sara, I really do," sighed Cath, "but you're a fighter you got through the last lot and you'll get through the next, it might not be as bad."

"It might," admitted Cath, "but were all going to be here for you, I know it's not much we can do,"

"No it helps having you all here," interrupted Sara, "sometimes I find it hard…to…talk to …Grissom," she stuttered tears now falling.

"Well everyone finds that hard," smiled Cath, "sometimes it the people your closet to you find it hardest to talk to because you don't want to let them down or worry them, but that's why were here," said Cath pulling Sara into a hug letting a few tears of her own escape.

Nick had watched the exchange form the hallway not wanting to intrude but wanting make them aware Grissom was on his way back from the crime scene.

"You can come in Nicky," said Sara catching sight of him.

"Hey girl," he smiled been joined by Warrick.

"What you doing here?"

"I needed to get out the house for a bit," said Sara trying to wipe the moisture off her cheeks before anyone noticed.

"Your probably sick of people asking you this but it's not going to stop me how you feeling?" said Nick like a concerned brother.

"Tired mostly and frustrated because I get so tired," answered Sara, "but it's better than before," said Sara with a hint of a smile.

"Well you know were all here for you," said Nick, "speaking of Grissom's on his way back with Greg," he added.

"Sara," Greg's cry could have alerted the whole of Vegas to her presence, he was that excited he bolted down the corridor away from Grissom and into the break room enveloping her in a hug.

"Hey Gil," smiled Sara as he walked in.

"You got bored?" asked Grissom trying his best not to start lecturing about needing rest and been away from bacteria with a low immune system because he knew while she needed all that she still needed to be herself and that meant independence and self reliance to a degree.

"Yeah, I'm kind of tied now though," admitted Sara.

"Well when you've had enough the couch in my office is free," smiled Grissom giving her a quick kiss on the check, "I've got an appointment in autopsy," he added turning and leaving a very surprised Sara behind, because just on occasion Grissom fully understood her and could do exactly what she needed.

TBC……………………


	16. Count down

Twenty-four hours until her last round of chemotherapy, they said last but she knew if it hadn't worked she would face more. She listened to them as they said there was a good chance that it would work, 'good'. Sara was sat on the bed stroking Hank, Grissom was in court today and had left ten minutes ago after trying once again to get Sara to talk to him but she wouldn't, she couldn't. They had reverted back to the tension of when they first started dating, neither knowing how to talk to the other, well that wasn't true, Grissom was doing his best to get Sara to tell him what was wrong but she had reverted back to her shell insisting everything was fine. She couldn't tell him how scared she was she didn't want to let him down. In her mind somewhere she knew she wasn't letting him down but she was scared, scared of been ill again. Oddly enough the cancer hadn't really made her ill until the treatment started so she had to remind herself that left untreated it would slowly kill her.

She needed to talk to someone this was driving her mad suddenly she got up off the bed making Hank jump she grabbed her keys and jacket and walked out the house leaving Hank to get himself comfy on the bed again.

She had been walking for nearly an hour and was dead on her feet. She didn't have a clue were she was going when she left the house and now as she stood outside the taxi station in the dimness of the evening she still wasn't entirely sure where she was going it wasn't until she got in the cab she made her mind up. It was late evening when the taxi left Sara at her destination and as she walked up the driveway she was having second thoughts, it was Catherine's night off she was probably asleep she wasn't with Lindsay because she had gone on some school trip that involved three suitcases been packed. She was halfway up the drive when she decided she was been stupid and turned back but as she turned away a voice called to her.

"Are you going to stand there all night setting off the intruder light of are coming in?" came Cath's voice in the night air. Sara had set off a motion sensitive light when she got close to the house alerting Catherine to her presence.

Catherine waited until Sara was sat on her sofa before she began her interrogation, from working with Sara for seven years she knew sometimes the younger women needed a push before she'd give anything personal away

"So you fancied a late night stroll?" asked Catherine sitting down on the seat opposite Sara and looking her up and down the way Brass did suspects.

"Yeah I guess I got bored," replied Sara her guard now well and truly up while she had, had every intention of going to Cath's she didn't know why she never intended to break down and tell her how frightened she was.

"You thought you'd stroll up and down my driveway?" asked Cath sarcastically. Sara had no answer to this she could tell Cath had a pretty good idea why she was here.

"You make for pretty poor conversation Sidle," smiled Cath, "I know you used to Grissom but with normal people it's a two way thing." Cath knew Sara was scared, who wouldn't be but she wanted Sara to tell her to admit it.

"He talks," said Sara shyly, "he keeps trying to talk to me." Sara began playing with a piece of hair that was hanging by her face, "I can't talk to him. It's stupid but I can't."

"You can talk to me," said Cath now joining Sara on the sofa.

"I'm scared, really scared," said Sara her face dropping down so Catherine couldn't see her.

"Were all here for you Sara," said Cath putting a hand on her knee.

"I don't want to get that sick again, I don't think I could cope," tears were now welling up in her eyes as she replied.

"To be honest I don't know how you coped," said Cath.

"I don't think I have another choice," said Sara after a few moments silence, " I don't know how you cope with Lindsay by yourself.

"Some days I don't," replied Cath with a smile, "do you want a drink or anything?" she asked as Sara finally looked up her eyes filled with unshed tear.

"I've got a hospital appointment tomorrow, tests," she clarified as Cath looked at her with a look that meant she thought she was having chemo and Cath had got he days confused.

"You know it only takes me five minutes to make coffee, you're not going to be here that long," said Cath looking slightly confused.

"No fluids before hand, I've got to drink some dye," explained Sara.

"Sounds disgusting, or something Doc Robbins would love," she added as Sara smiled.

"Ok so I'll have a drink then drive you home before Grissom wonders where you are."

"Thank you Cath," smiled Sara.

Sara made it home before Grissom, court had been delayed and she actually managed to get some sleep, either from been able to talk to someone of just her body telling her how exhausted she was. She even woken by the alarm the next morning but by Grissom gently rocking her shoulder.

"Hey," said Sara wearily, "I was just watching…." She trailed off realising she wasn't in front of the TV where she last remembered been but laid on their bed fully clothed with a blanket on top of her.

"I didn't want to wake you but you didn't look very comfy," smiled Grissom, "we've got to be at the hospital in an hour for your tests," he added.

"Ok I'm up," replied Sara not budging from where she was.

"I'm going to be there with you the entire time," said Grissom from the hallway.

"I know," replied Sara shuffling off the bed, "and I'm grateful," she added going into the hallway and kissing him, "I'm always grateful to have you," she said smiling mischievously at him.

An hour and a half later and they were sat in a slightly unfamiliar part of the hospital, Sara had already had one scan before which she was required to drink a rather disgusting looking and tasting dye. She was now waiting to have some bloods taken then a agonizing three hours after that she would begin her last round of chemotherapy.

**TBC……………………..**

**Not as long update as usual but I've just started my final year at uni and dissertations come with lengthy word counts….that said I am still writing even if it takes longer (it keeps me relatively sane). Please feel free to leave a review, comment…anything.**


	17. The end is in sight

**A/N wow sorry for the wait, ducks small flying objects (yes only throw small things please : ) I hope this slightly shorter than usual chapter will make up for it….**

These three hours were going to be agony. Grissom was doing his best to take her mind off the impending treatment. They'd gone for a walk round a nearby park and he had pointed out every insect and creature he saw giving a lengthy talk on its life cycle. It had worked for short period of time but somehow whatever he said on her mind she could always link it back to what was about to happen. Somehow Grissom had managed to slip in taking her ton dinner despite the fact that Sara didn't want to eat anything claiming she was only going to throw it all back up again she was sat with a plate of sandwiches in front of her.

"You winning that staring contest?" asked Grissom as Sara realised she was looking at the food in front of her with such intensity she was surprised it didn't self-combust.

"It's not going to make nay difference," added Grissom as Sara picked up a sandwich.

"At least I wont have anything to throw up," replied Sara taking a bite all the same.

"You'll get dehydrated quicker," countered Grissom always ready with an opposing comment.

"Well if you're going to be scientific about it," mumbled Sara. There was few moments of silence as Sara steadily made her way through her food not having realised how hungry she actually was.

"How are you feeling?" asked Grissom as Sara finished her last mouthful.

"Nervous," replied Sara meeting his gaze, "and I'll be angry at you later when I see those sandwiches again."

"That's it think positive," said Grissom with a smile.

"Are you trying to imply I'm not optimistic?" asked Sara sarcastically.

"No Nick does that when he calls you sunshine, I'm telling you." Said Grissom as Sara's mouth dropped slightly.

"Is that why he calls me it, the little Texan….." she trailed off not been able to finish her sentence in a public place, "oh he is a dead man walking," said Sara as she and Grissom got up.

"Why did you think he called you it?" asked Grissom paying for their food.

"I was in denial," replied Sara as they exited the restaurant and headed back to the car.

Twenty minutes later and they were back at the hospital sat occupying two plastic chairs outside an oncology ward. After Sara's reaction to the last round of chemo she was going to have to stay in hospital at least twenty fours hours to be monitored and that meant she was getting her chemo on a ward.

"Sara Sidle?" said a nurse sticking her head through the double doors and addressing the only two people in the area.

"Yeah," replied Sara standing and following her into the corridor. She was pleased to find she was in a side room, actually the entire place seemed to be single room with what appeared to be a large day area at the end.

"Dr West has got your test results from this morning he'll be through to speak to you in a moment then I'll come and start your treatment," the nurse announced leaving Grissom and Sara alone in the room. It was painted a pale blue and comprised of a bed, a bedside table, large dark blue chair and a door off to the side that Grissom had wasted no time in opening.

"Posh, it's got a bathroom," commented Grissom.

"You should get Brass to pull stings more often," said Sara in no doubt of the reason she was in such a nice room.

"Hello," smiled a older nurse coming in wheeling a trolley with IV bags laid out, "on offer today we have saline, Vincristine and cyclophosphamide," smiled the women as Sara sat down on the bed.

"your tests all came back fine so if your ready," she said takign a needle out to place the IV. Sara smiled as the nurse looked across to Grissom who was lingering in the bathroom doorway.

"Does he oftern do that?" the nurse asked distracting Sara while she inserted the IV.

"Do what?" asked Sara as Grissom came in.

"Stand silently like a fly onteh wall,"

"Quite a lot," repledi Sara as the nurse hung the IV bag hanging anouther clear one next to the slighty brownish one that was slowly dripping down into Sara's veins.

"this is on a slower release than your had before which will hopefully help with the nausea. It will be doen in three hours then you get the gloucose solution to make sur eyou stay hydrated," expaline dthe nurse, "there basins in the cupboard and if you need it hospital gowns as well." She said before leaving. Grissom looked over at Sara as she set the IV line how she wanted ti next to her.

"Fly on the wall?" questioned Grissom.

"You do stand and watch a lot," smiled Sara.

TBC……………


	18. Let it be

Grissom managed to fill a full thirty minutes with small talk about work. Sara was impressed she would have made more of a conversation but now the drugs were starting to take effect and her body was slowly succumbing to fatigue as she was now lent back against the pillows rather than sat up and the familiar feeling of nausea was starting to take hold.

"How you doing?" asked Grissom having noticed the subtle colour change in her checks and tell tale signs that she wasn't feeling well as she spoke less.

"Not too bad," replied Sara with a lopsided smile, "think there starting to kick in though," she added shifting her position slightly, "could you pass me one of those basin's, don't want to ruin another pair of pants," said Sara placing the basin next to her encase the nausea suddenly kicked in.

"How are we doing?" asked the older nurse coming into the room wheeling a trolley full of water jugs and cups.

"Ok," replied Sara as the nurse placed a jug and two glasses on the bedside table.

"Any sickness?" she asked as Sara held her right arm out for her to place a Bp cuff on.

"Just nausea at the minute," answered Sara as the cuff inflated round her arm.

"Blood pressure's ok," smiled the nurse removing the cuff once it had deflated then writing on the chart at the end of the bed.

"I'll be back in half an hour," she smiled placing the chart back and wheeling the trolley away. Ten minutes later and the effects of the poison been pumped into her body were starting to show, she had gone from a sitting position to laid on her side, her head propped up on two pillows the basin laid just under her head as she drifted in and out an uncomfortable sleep.

The second time the nurse came back Sara was barely aware of her presence. Ten minutes after that and Grissom wasn't even sure if she knew he was there, a thin line of sweat was starting to form on her forehead and what little colour she had left had long since drained from her face.

"I hate this," said Sara quietly her voice a whisper.

"I know honey," said Grissom leaning forewords, "this might be the last time though," he choose his words carefully not as much as he wanted to tell her she wouldn't have to go through this again he dare not get either of there hopes up he'd learnt to prepare for the worst then anything else was a bonus.

"Sick," mumbled Sara suddenly pushing herself up from her slumber and grabbing for the basin as her sandwich made an unwelcome reappearance. Grissom did all he could held her as she vomited, rubbing her back gently and trying his best to take as much pain away as he could. Once she was done held the glass of water to her lips for her to sip at because she looked too fragile to oven support that.

It was downhill from there when the nurse came back to the check on them Sara was propped up against two pillows her legs outstretched on the bed below a basin perched on her knees and her head down turned as she tired to fight the nausea off.

"Let's get you Bp checked," said the nurse sympathetically. Grissom was holding Sara's free hand gently stroking her skin with his thumb all he could offer as relief at the minute was that and a few words of encouragement.

"I've had enough of this now," mumbled Sara as the cuff was inflated on her arm.

"I know honey," said Grissom giving her arm a gentle squeeze. Sara would have smiled of thanked him for the kind gesture but her stomach chose that moment to revolt.

"Sorry," apologized Sara as the nurse handed her a glass of water once she was done.

"It's not on me, no need to apologize," she smiled taking the basin from Sara. Sara smiled weakly at the nurse as she left.

"That was embarrassing," mumbled Sara.

"I think in her line of work it's expected," said Grissom as Sara laid down on the bed fatigue taking over.

"I'm going to go and give Cath a ring, said I'd keep her updated," said Grissom leaning and kissing Sara on the forehead before leaving, he knew she was tired and he knew as long as he was there she'd try and stay awake to prove to him that she was ok, that he didn't need to be worried.

Grissom was right because by the time he'd been and updated Catherine and come back up Sara was fast asleep.

Sara slept for just over an hour when her slumber was interrupted.

"Honey," said Grissom quietly as her eyes fluttered open. Sara didn't reply but squeezed her eyes tight shut willing the nausea to go away. She stayed in a semi conscious state for about ten minutes then drifted back to sleep she even managed to sleep through having her IV changed and having her blood pressure taken every fifth-teen minutes. It wasn't until three hours later that Sara awoke, something that on a normal day Sara would have considered a perfectly acceptable amount of sleep. However today when she woke she still felt tired, her body drained of energy and the nausea still in the pit of her stomach.

"What time is it?" asked Sara stretching her arms.

"Eight, you were asleep for a while you slept through you second IV," said Grissom, sure enough when Sara looked she was no longer hooked up just the IV site remained in the back of her hand.

**TBC……………………**

**A/N It's been a long time coming this chapter…I can only apologise and get started on the next.**


	19. Bordem effects

**A/N re posted due to the fact I completely forgot to proof read it, now the mistakes have been mended to the best of my ability (which I will admit isn't that good)**

"Entertain me," said Sara who was now propped up with three pillows, grateful the nausea was manageable and the tiredness was at a minimum.

"Maybe I should call Catherine?" suggested Grissom.

"No you don't get out of it like that come on. I'm going to be stuck here for another ten hours do something interesting," grinned Sara having fun torturing Grissom who looked in a complete state of panic.

"Here," said Grissom handing her a magazine.

"I can't focus properly," said Sara, the drugs had a rather interesting effect on her balance and vision. It made her feel like the time Grissom got her on a roller-coaster, "talk to me, it's not that bad it is?" asked Sara to which Grissom raised an eyebrow suggestion the very subject of having a conversation was bad.

"What do you want me to talk about?" asked Grissom.

"Remind me why I love you again," sighed Sara with a grin, "what's the gossip at work? Hodges has got to been telling you something."

"Hodges often speaks to me and I often ignore him," answered Grissom.

"Catherine nearly got herself suspended last week," said Grissom the memory just coming back to him.

"Why?" asked Sara now fully interested.

"Homicide at a sweet sixteen at the MGN."

"Who has a sweet sixteen there?" interrupted Sara.

"Judge Linken's daughter," answered Grissom, "she was how shall I saw a spoilt brat," said Grissom raising a smile from Sara, "she was winding Catherine up. Kept telling us she knew her rights and how she was going to get her dad. I left her alone with Catherine for five minutes then heard shouting," Grissom paused as if going for dramatic effect, "went back in the room and Nick had Catherine at one end of the room who was still shouting and Louise-Mai was at the other been restrained by a police officer. Next thing I'm getting phone calls Ecklie's in my office demanding paperwork and a full account."

"What did Cath do?" asked Sara.

"Louise refused to give her fingerprints so Catherine took them from her phone, Louise started shouting some very choice words and Catherine shouted back."

"I would have loved to have seen that," grinned Sara, "met Louise-Mai when we working the break in at the judges house I remember her been a right bitch."

They managed to fill the hour and half while Sara's drip finished with antidotes about work. By the time the nurse came in to remove Sara's drip, apart from the fatigue she was feeling ok.

"Right you're ready to be discharged," smiled the nurse sticking a dressing over where the IV had been.

"Good," replied Sara with a smile.

"You've got an appointment in week to have you blood work done then hopefully we'll only be seeing you for cheeks ups," said the nurse.

"Thank you, come on lets go," said Sara trying to bolt form the room as fast as her weakened body would allow.

"You know the policy, chair," said the nurse sternly which made Grissom grin until Sara shot him a look.

"I can walk," sighed Sara.

"I'm sure you can but would you rather be wheeled out, or risk using up all your energy passing out and been admitted," said the nurse to which Sara rolled her eyes knowing the nurse was right.

"Thank you, I'll go complete you chart and bring a chair."

**TBC………………. Sorry it's only short but work's been getting in the way…have hope the end is in sight.**


	20. She's back

Sara had never been so happy to be home, Grissom was waiting on her hand and foot and the rest of the nightshift and Brass kept 'being in the area' when he was at work and called in to see her. It had been three days since her last chemotherapy treatment and while she was still suffering form lack of energy the rest was ok. This however was making her a bad patient because she wanted to be up and doing things but she got tired so quickly she couldn't mange more than a walk to the shops. Some how she'd managed to persuade Grissom to put her back on the lab rota for next week although it had taken a lot of arguing and in the end Grissom had decided to give up.

The days at home dragged by, even with everyone's constant visits and one hospital appointment for bloods, until it finally came to the Monday. Grissom and Sara were sound asleep when a loud high-pitched beeping awoke both on them.

"Your pager," said Sara rolling over not happy about been disturbed form her sleep.

She felt the weight in the bed shift as Grissom got up and headed out the room, his footsteps gradually fading out as he moved further away. Sara had almost dropped off again when he returned and gently nudged her shoulder.

"I've got a case," he said softly.

"See you later," replied Sara half asleep.

"You don't have to come in if you still tir…" Grissom hadn't finished the word before Sara interrupted.

"I'll see you in the lab later," said Sara rolling over to face him, "I won't over do it and I will stay in the lab light work only," said Sara repeating what he had told her several times the night before.

"See you at work," smiled Grissom kissing her before going.

Sara woke an hour later a seven, dusk was just settling in and the rest of the night shift would be arriving at work. Sara didn't need to be in a particular time just when she felt ready. She took her time getting ready and then called a cab as per Grissom's instructions she was not allowed to drive encase she got tired. On arriving at the lab Sara was surprised, only she wasn't sure of what. For some reason she expected it to look different like everything should have changed the amount of time she had been away. The place was quite she guessed everyone was still at their scenes, there were a few lab tech scurrying around the place, then leant over a microscope she saw a familiar face.

Hodges looked up from the slide he was viewing to a shock there stood in front of him was Sara Sidle looking as if she was on the back end of a double shift but still with that sparkle in her eyes. Neither said anything as Sara took a few steps towards Hodges as she entered trace.

"Alcohol, carbons, polyvinylpyrrolidine, and polydimethylsiloxane," announced Hodges.

"Hairspray," clarified Sara with a half smile, "where's it from?"

"Nick found it on a condom," answered Hodges with a raised eyebrow, which Sara mirrored.

"It's good to have you back," said Hodges after a few seconds.

"Thanks," smiled Sara, "so what have we got?" she asked picking up a pair of gloves.

"What haven't we got," said Hodges picking up a bow and plonking it down in front of Sara.

Ten minutes later and Sara heard Nick's voice drift down the hall.

"Hodges why have you got the fluid from the condom," demanded Nick

"Because it's hairspray," said Hodges as Nick registered that Sara was there.

"Now there's a sight for sore eyes," grinned Nick going and pulling Sara into a hug, "Grissom never told us you were back today."

"I asked him not to encase I couldn't," smiled Sara as Nick released her.

"I knew it," came Greg's excited cry as he jogged into trace with huge grin, "I told Warrick it was you he said I'd inhaled to much superglue," grinned Greg as Warrick entered smiling at Sara.

"Good to see you girl," said Warrick coming round and giving Sara a one armed hug.

"What you doing here?" asked Greg.

"Working," replied Sara as Nick's pager went off.

"I've got go we'll catch up later," said Nick while reading his pager then leaving.

"Cath will be glad to have you back I think there's too much testosterone round here at the minute for her," said Warrick.

"She at a scene?" asked Sara as the printer kicked into action.

"Yeah her and Grissom got a early roll out which I'm sure you know," said Greg thinking about it, "double homicide." He finished.

It was another hour before Sara saw Grissom, she was just walking out of ballistics' when a hand touched her on the shoulder, she turned and hardly had time to register who it was before a pair of soft lips met her own.

"Gil, I've got the…" Cath trailed off as she came round the corner to find Grissom stood in the corridor kissing Sara in front of a slightly shocked Hodges.

"Sara," said Catherine her voice showing how shocked she was at seeing her in the lab mixed with Grissom's public display of affection.

"I'm back," said Sara once she and Grissom had parted a he grin now spread across her face.

"So I see," smiled Cath as Grissom cheeks tinged red, "good to have some female company again," smiled Cath giving Sara a gentle hug. "if Grissom's finished with you I could use a hand," said Cath holding up a evidence bag containing a piece of paper soaked in god knows what.

"Sure," smiled Sara following Cath off down the corridor.

Three weeks went by and Sara had got back into the swing of things at the lab, she was allowed out in the field again and everything was back to normal, nearly. She hadn't told any of the nightshift that today was the day she was going to find out if the treatment had worked and the cancer had gone. She and Grissom were now sat in the familiar halls of the hospital waiting to be called in.

"Sidle," when Sara's name was called out she was so on edge she nearly fell off her chair. She and Grissom followed the man into the small room and took a seat.

"Right as you know you'll need to be tested again in three months but I'm pleased to tell you there is no sign of cancer in these test results."

Both Sara and Grissom sat in silence each had been preparing themselves for the worst forgetting to thing about if the best happened.

"Thank you," said Sara suddenly standing.

"See you in three months," smiled the doctor standing clearly used to this sort of reaction. Grissom didn't say a word but followed Sara out into of the hospital in silence it wasn't until they got into the early evening air Sara where a tear had traced it's way down his cheek.

"It's ok," smiled Sara cupping his cheeks in her hands.

"I just couldn't face losing you," said Grissom pulling her into a hug.

"Your not going to, you don't get out of this that easily," laughed Sara, "come on lets go we've got work."

Grissom and Sara arrived ten minutes late at the lab to find everyone gathered in the break room, they fell silent when the pair walked in smirking somewhat.

"What's going on?" asked Sara eyeing a guilty looking Greg up.

"Warrick just suggested an interesting reason as to why you were late," replied Cath as Warrick's mouth dropped open.

"Me you were the one…"

"Hey," Sara interrupted before he could finish, "actually we've been at the hospital."

"Is everything ok?" asked Nick shocked.

"It is, " smiled Sara, "I had to go for some test to see if the treatment worked and there's no sign of cancer." There was a sudden uproar of congratulations and hugging.

"We need to celebrate after shift," cried Greg as he threw his arms round a rather unimpressed Grissom.

The end of shift came and in the early hours of the morning the night shift plus Brass and Sofia were crammed into a booth at a twenty-four hour bar, Nick was handing out the round of drinks he had just brought.

"I think we need a toast," said brass looking across to Catherine.

"To Sara," suggested Cath turning to look at the younger women.

"Oh that's nice," laughed Greg as they all turned to see Sara sat in the end of the booth fast asleep lent on Grissom shoulder.

THE END

Ok it's been a very long time sorry but now I've finally finished


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